Day +32: Catching Up with Old Friends

Troy came for lunch today, and I'd almost forgotten how tall he was!

Our first visitor since we came home was my long time friend Troy. Troy and I met in 1999, during O Week at Macquarie University, when I was standing in the Soccer Club information marquee and he came along to sign up. We became fast friends, and even went on tour with the representative teams to intervarsity games a couple of times.

After uni, Troy moved away after joining the Air Force, but we kept in touch by phone and email. We saw each other whenever he was back in Sydney and had time to catch up, and it was always fun having a meal with Troy. When Troy left the Air Force and moved overseas to work, we lost touch for a short time, but through the wonders of Facebook, we connected again.

Now living on the Gold Coast, Troy was in Sydney for other commitments, and we had arranged to make a day of his visit. At the time Troy let me know he would be in Sydney today, we were freshly admitted to hospital, and we didn't know at the time we would be home. We had arranged to meet in Randwick, but since we were home, Troy was happy to come to us for lunch.

Troy had not changed one little bit. He may be a couple of kilos heavier - and I mean literally a couple of kilos - and he may be sporting some sideburns, but he was the same goofy Troy I met all those years ago.

Sean was still napping when Troy arrived, and I was just putting the finishing touches on the salad and popping our marinated pork chops under the grill. As I was giving Troy the grand tour of the house, Sean woke up and came to meet Uncle Stretch.

Over lunch, we caught up on all the news and happenings of our lives. Troy asked questions about Sean's disease, so that he could have a better understanding of SCID, and what happened with the treatment and our stay in hospital. Jonathan and I explained the best we could in plain English - it was getting easier and easier for us to talk about Sean's disease and treatment without becoming too emotional. I still shed a tear, recalling the most awful parts of the journey so far, but I think I always will when retelling the story.

Troy had a little boy of his own - the result of a casual fling - and the little man Ianto turned 1 a week ago. Sadly, Troy was not invited to spend Ianto's birthday with him, as Ianto's mother was a bitter and twisted woman whose aim in life was to hurt Troy. If you thought Evil Witch was bad, well, Ianto's mother was even worse. In fact, Ianto's mother made Evil Witch look positively angelic!

Troy made it clear to Ianto's mother that she was a casual fling to him, and there was no way in the world that he would ever settle down and marry her and play happy family with her, even if it was for Ianto's sake. Since being told that Troy would not enter into a romantic relationship with her, Ianto's mother had made every effort to ban Troy from seeing his little boy. Troy had been going through the processes with the Family Law Court of Australia to get a Consent Order signed, but as anyone who has ever been through the system can tell you, the process is painfully slow. We told Troy about our experience with the Evil Witch, and told him to keep his head up and stick with it. The whole thing was costing Troy a fortune, and we sympathised with him - our proceedings cost over $10,000, and it didn't end up going in front of a judge. Troy was expecting his matter to end up in front of a judge, and cost at least twice as much as our final bill.

Poor Troy. I really felt for him. He was missing all the "firsts" - all those milestones that would only ever happen as a "first" once, but he seemed pragmatic about it all. Troy joked that by Ianto's mother refusing to allow Troy to see Ianto at the moment, it meant that Troy was skipping the dirty nappies stage. By the time everything is sorted through the courts, Troy is expecting a toilet trained youngster who would be able to walk, talk and feed himself. Troy thought he was getting the better end of the deal!

The afternoon flew by and before long, Troy had to leave for his next engagement. It was really lovely to spend the afternoon with an old friend, and he promised to see us again the next time he was in Sydney. I drove him to Top Ryde to catch the bus back into the city and gave him a big hug.

Tonight, I caught up with another old friend on the phone. DT and I have known each other since we were 22, and at one point we even dated each other. We had remained firm friends over the years, including a stint when DT moved to country NSW and all but disappeared for 4 years. DT was one of those friends who could pick where you leave off last, no matter how long it had been since you last saw each other.

It had been a couple of months since we spoke - the last time we talked, we had just left hospital after Sean's diagnosis. After Troy's visit today, I thought to text DT tonight, to let him know I was thinking of him.

Talking to Troy and hearing about his situation with Ianto and Ianto's mother made me think of DT. DT was married, with 3 kids, and he was no longer legally able to see his kids after his ex-wife turned on him and made a bunch of false allegations against him that ended up involving police and the Department of Community Services. DT's ex-wife made Ianto's mother look positively angelic! DT's ex-wife made the Evil Witch look like a saint!!!

DT was now working in Western Australia, in a pretty lonely town, feeling quite alone. I often worried about DT, and hoped that things would eventually turn around for him. Speaking to him tonight, things were still a little grim for DT - he sounded flat and fed up. He was dating a girl whose company he enjoyed very much, but the girl was playing games with him and toying with his emotions, and finally, he had had enough and stopped seeing her. Single again, he was feeling a bit lonely and down.

DT wasn't working a lot of shifts, so he was worried about money. He was recently back in Sydney to finish clearing out his house, and made a flying visit to his parents' home to check on their welfare and restock their groceries before flying back to Western Australia. DT apologised for not stopping by the hospital to visit us during his whistle-stop visit, but I told him he needed apologise - we would be happy to see him another time when he had more time on his hands.

I had wondered what my life and DT's life would have been like had we stayed together. Just before Jonathan and I were married, DT took me out for dinner one night, after the Evil Witch had upset me and I felt like Jonathan was doing nothing to shield me from her hurtful ways. Over dinner, we reminisced about the past - how we met, the fun we had, that sort of thing, and DT made a comment about what it might have been like if we had stayed together. It made me sad that he asked the question, and I gently told him then that it was not something we could dwell on, as that ship had well and truly sailed.

DT asking me that question that night 2 years ago had made me wonder, from time to time, what our life would have been like together. In light of everything that had happened with Sean, I know for a fact that I could not imagine going through this whole ordeal with anyone as strong as Jonathan. However, I know for a fact that DT's life would have been a lot different - for starters, he would still be working in the security industry in Sydney, running his own security business, and living a comfortable lifestyle. Perhaps he could see that too, and he sometimes lamented over the one that got away.

DT and I talked for about 90 minutes, and it left me worrying about him, as usual. I hope the next time we speak, DT's life would be a bit rosier than it was now. Even though I was worried, it was still nice to catch up with an old friend.

It was a pretty full on day today, and we may head out for a bit tomorrow to look for a new couch. "May" being the operative word - we need to see how Sean is in the morning before we make the decision about going out. I'd really like an outing, so I'm hoping Sean has a good night's sleep tonight.