Much Ado About Nothing

The last few weeks have been hell on a stick for me and Jonathan. We have been forced to ride an emotional roller coaster, all because of the incompetent parenting (or just plain lack of parenting) by Mina's mother.

You see, for the last month or so, we have been constantly told by Mina's mother that Mina does not want to sleep over with us any more. Unlike any other parent, who would step up and either find out what the problem is, and / or simply tell the child to stop making a fuss, the mother tells Mina she doesn't have to sleep over, then calls us to let us know what she's done.

The complete lack of consideration is totally typical of the idiot mother, who lately has been more interested in looking after other people's children (in exchange for make up and other useless products) than disciplining her own. The idiot mother is completely self absorbed and only cares about instant gratification, without considering the consequences, immediate or long term.

We have been forced to work through the issues with Mina, because the mother has been totally incapable of handling the problems. Every weekend, for the past few weekends, we've talked to Mina about the problem, and we've since discovered that the only real quibble she has about sleeping over lies with her not having a "real bed" nor a "real bedroom".

Over and over again, we have explained that we are in the process of looking for a new home, with a bedroom for Mina which we can furnish with a bed and possibly a desk of her very own. For now, though, as we are in a one-bedroom apartment, her bedroom when she sleeps over consists of the alcove, the dining room, the lounge room, the kitchen, and the bathroom. And her bed is a double bed that is much much bigger than the one she has at her mother's, in which she can sleep sideways and not have to worry about falling out of it.

Every weekend, we send her home more assured that we are doing everything in our power to give her what she wants. Also, every weekend, even though she kicks up a fuss at home, and in the process upsets everyone, Mina has a great time with us. In fact, the minute she's in the car with Jonathan, all hints of any fuss is immediately replaced by excitement related to spending time with Jonathan and me.

But every week, we get at least one phone call from the idiot mother to let us know that Mina has again made a fuss about sleeping over. She knows our living arrangements, yet she does nothing to help us, nor herself for that fact.

There are so many wrongs with this situation. Jonathan only gets to see Mina on weekends, so when we're told Mina doesn't want to spend time with us, it really tears him up. And that is the situation - we get told - not asked, not consulted with, just told. The idiot mother makes assertions and promises to Mina without talking to us, then calls us and tells us how it is. And then, she has the hide to turn around and play martyr.

You see, we've had to tell the mother that if Mina doesn't sleep over with us, we will just see Mina on Sundays only. We are not prepared to collect Mina on a Saturday, spend all day with her, drop her home, then go back on a Sunday and do the same. 4 hours of driving per weekend is completely unreasonable, as the idiot mother will never share in the transport duties nor the costs associated with us having to drive everywhere, all the time. If we were to change to Sundays only, this also means the mother has to rearrange her weekends to ensure someone is around to take care of Mina on the Saturdays, and if she is unable to find someone, then she has to give up her activities on the Saturdays, or take Mina with her to her outings, which may not always be suitable to bring a child along to.

The idiot mother has made comments about how the change of weekend arrangements will adversely affect her weekend activities. I must admit I had to laugh when I heard these comments. I fail to see why Jonathan or I should feel sorry for her at all, nor why she would think we would care. She has brought these consequences on herself by making decisions without speaking to us, through her failure to be a parent and stand up to her child who is fast becoming a brat.

Having said all of this, so far, the weekends have not altered - we are still seeing Mina on the pattern that has been set and followed so far (one weekend sleepover, next weekend Sunday visit, rinse and repeat). But the phone calls and the idiot's inability to be a parent is wearing our patience thin and causing a lot of grief.

After talking to Mina about sleeping over last weekend, and hearing her promise us that she would not make a fuss, we got a phone call on Friday afternoon to let us know Mina was causing a fuss again. As it was 5pm, the time when Jonathan would leave work to head over to collect Mina, he was at a loss as to what to do. I told him that he should head over and collect Mina anyway, because it was unreasonable for us to have to change our weekend plans now with no notice at all. So he did. And Mina came without a fuss.

The phone call and hearing Jonathan's voice dripping with frustration proved too much for me after a long, busy and at times stressful week. I bawled my eyes out at work - and yes, I was still at work, at 5.30pm, on a Friday afternoon, when everyone else had gone home. I was so over the idiot mother and Mina's brattish behaviour, and after I told Jonathan to go and collect Mina, I called him back to say I didn't want Mina in the wedding party any more. In fact, I didn't want Mina to come to the wedding at all.

Further, I told Jonathan that if we were to receive any phone calls next week, I will, in no uncertain terms, disinvite Mina from the wedding. I am so adamant and serious about this that I've told Jonathan it's either her or me - if Mina makes a fuss, she's out of the wedding, and if he insists she comes, I won't be there. This is how sick of the situation I am.

When the two of them arrived home, it was like nothing had happened. Mina was happy to be at our place, happy to be sleeping over, no fuss, no bother. Meanwhile, my insides were still twisted in knots and I was still feeling so awful, I could have thrown up there and then.

While Jonathan was fixing some spaghetti on toast for him and Mina to have for dinner, I decided to have to chat with Mina about how upsetting her fussing was making everyone. While I was asking Mina what this weekend's issue was, I started crying. I am glad I cried - I usually try very hard not to cry in front of Mina, but I really was so upset that the tears just fell. It was the 2nd time I've ever cried in front of Mina. Mina was quite shocked to see me cry, and gave me hugs to try and comfort me. I just told her the truth - that when she causes fuss, it hurts my heart and my body - because when I hear the disappointment and frustration in Jonathan's voice after yet another upsetting phone call to say Mina didn't want to come to us, my heart drops through my stomach and it almost splits me in two. Plus my blood pressure shoots through the roof, and Speedy starts doing somersaults as well. I explained my pain quite graphically to Mina, crying the whole time.

I had to tell Mina, in no uncertain terms, that if she continues to cause fusses, then we really couldn't have her in our wedding party because the fusses are seen by us as her breaking her promise to us and lying to us as well, and if we can't trust her, then we can't have her doing an important job like being our flower girl. And if she doesn't want to sleep over, that's fine, but that also means she will never have her own bedroom. And she will never have her own bed. I know it sounds harsh, that I was threatening to remove her from the wedding party, but the way I am right now - tired, emotional, pregnant, a little bit stressed, etc, I really truly do not need any more pressure or stress, not even from a much loved child. I just hope my crying really showed Mina exactly how upset I really was.

After a most inauspicious start, we ended up having a fabulous weekend with Mina, doing many fun things. We went house hunting, and she did a great job as our "power point auditor" and "bath spotter". We went shopping for presents for her cousin Alyssa and Grandma, whose birthdays are in August. We even fitted in a movie today - Toy Story 3 which was amazing.

We had such a lovely weekend that today, Mina asked us if she had to go home. We were so surprised that we asked her what she meant, and she said she wanted to stay with us and didn't want to go home. Ironic, isn't it? I made sure Jonathan told the idiot mother tonight at drop off, just to give her a taste of her own medicine.

We also all but told Mina straight out that she would be expecting a little brother or sister come Christmas time. Hopefully, once we do confirm there is a baby - and we will next week when Jonathan's family is in Sydney, and we tell her how important she is in our lives and in the baby's life, Mina will feel less inclined to cause problems.

One week to go to the wedding. If we receive any phone calls next week, I will disinvite Mina to the wedding. No ifs, no buts, Jonathan has agreed to this, and we'll make sure her idiot mother is left to explain why Mina is missing out on Jonathan and my big day. Here's hoping there won't be any problems, next week and beyond.

Oh, and in case you were wondering what the fuss was about this weekend, there wasn't any. Mina said she didn't want to come because her mother was too busy looking after someone else's children and wasn't home to see Mina before Jonathan picked her up. Mina was home alone with her grandfather all afternoon, and wanted to see her mother before leaving for our place, but the idiot mother was too busy to take care of her own child. That was all.