Being Momma G: Day 4

Today, I'm the proud owner of 2 sore nipples. One of which is cracked and damaged. The other is just plain sore.

We decided to pay another visit to the lactation consultant again, and this time, we met the very gorgeous Margaret. Margaret assessed the left nipple, and advised that I should use the breast pump to express from the left side, whilst continuing to feed on the right side. The right side was sore, but I was still able to manage the breast feeding. Under Margaret's gentle encouragement, I breast fed Sean and hoped I was doing it correctly. Margaret made a note to see us again tomorrow, to see how we were going with the continued routine.

A little later, Margaret came into our room to show me how to use the breast pump. It was all easy enough - attach a funnel to my breast, push the "On" button, push the "Milking" button, increase the pressure, and hold the funnel in place for 30 minutes. Repeat every 3 hours.

There were a number of tests that Sean needed to have today, and we were asked by the hearing test lady Ali to bring a settled and sleeping baby to the room where she was set up. We watched as Ali put a few things on Sean's head, and put on a pair of headphones on his ears - he looked so cute! Just as Ali started to explain what the test was all about, the machine recorded all the tests were passed! Well done, honey! Sean passed the hearing test with flying colours! Even Ali was surprised by the speed with which Sean passed the hearing test.

After the hearing test, we returned to our room to wait for the midwife to come and complete the heel prick test. While we waited, Sean slept, and so did Jonathan. My two most favourite boys in the world slept side by side - such a gorgeous and precious moment.

Our gorgeous friends Clayton and Imbi came by for a flying visit. They live in Scone and were in Sydney for a few days, and thought to pay us a visit while they were in town. They both had a cuddle with Sean and gave Sean a beautiful blue wrap. It was great to see them and catch up with them - Clayton and Imbi visit Sydney infrequently, so we always try to catch up when they do come down.

After Clayton and Imbi left, we looked online to see if Jonathan's parents were on Skype. We'd tried to arrange for a live Skype chat yesterday, but alas, when Mum and Dad were online, we weren't, and when we were online, they weren't. We'd sent them a message to try and tee up a video chat today, and it worked. Mum and Dad saw Sean for the first time, and we think they appreciated being able to meet their grandson, albeit via Skype.

After a long chat, it was time for Sean to have the heel prick test. Sean was very brave - he was awake throughout the entire ordeal, but he didn't even cry! In fact, Sean was so totally nonchalant about the whole thing, he didn't even bat an eyelid when the midwife came to do the test. Mummy on the other hand was wincing at the sight of 9 drops of blood being squeezed out of her little man's heel.

Before long, it was time for yet another milk expression. The left side was handling the pump just fine - we were getting a good enough supply from the left, even if it was taking around 20 minutes to the small amount that was coming out. The right side felt quite firm, so I thought I'd put use the pump to express some of the milk and to make the area softer for the little man's small mouth. Within seconds of the pump being switched on, I noticed blood in the funnel and freaked out.

My right nipple had also suffered some damage. Yay. Two cracked nipples. And God only gave me 2 nipples to feed Sean with.

After working so hard to get the small quantity of milk from the left breast, I panicked when I saw the blood in the funnel and thought all sorts of crazy thoughts. I didn't want the blood to contaminate the breast milk that was already in the bottle, and I didn't want to think that I could have put Sean on to my right breast and have him drink the blood either. I started crying, almost hysterically, and Jonathan jumped into action. He carefully extracted the pump from my hand, brought me a towel to soak up the blood that was trickling out of my right nipple, and called the midwives to come and review / assist. Unfortunately, there was a queue of other requests ahead of us, and around 30 minutes later, someone finally came to see what we were calling about. And yes, I had spent the whole time crying on and off, just thinking over and over again about tainting the milk and putting a bloody nipple into Sean's mouth.

So it was back to hand expressing on the right side, and more pump expressing on the left. The midwives had asked me to call them when I was hand expressing, so that they could help me with the awful task. I made sure to call well in advance, so that I wasn't waiting for 30 minutes to see someone. However, when a midwife finally joined me, she gave me a look of disdain and told me that I should have started without her, before leaving me to my own devices.

I'd taken Sean to the nursery earlier, so that I could express without stress, but the hand expressing was really hard work, and the milk wasn't quite up to the quantity needed to satisfy the milk monster. Within 15 minutes of the midwife seeing me, she charged back into our room and told me sternly that Sean wasn't getting enough to eat, and that I have no choice but to give permission for the nursery staff to feed him a top up of formula. It was such a huge shock to the system to be spoken to like that - all the midwives and nurses had been wonderful and gentle thus far, and this particular midwife had already looked after me earlier in the week and was terrific, but then to have her almost snap at me and have me feel like I was an incompetent mother was the final straw. Like a deer in headlights, I blindly agreed to formula being fed to Sean, before bursting into more tears.

I was in such a state that I called Jonathan. It was just after 11.30pm, and when Jonathan finally answered the phone, I could tell he'd been fast asleep for some time. I choked down the phone what had happened, and Jonathan did his best to calm me down, while reasoning that the formula was the best solution for now. Sean was still getting breast milk, but if he needed a top up, and my supply was short, then he should get some formula. I felt a little bit better afterwards, but wished he was on hand to give me proper cuddles.

Right now, I am feeling slightly braver, and am going to see if I can express some milk from the right side using the pump. I'll try and get gentle, and hope that I don't open my wounds and start bleeding again. Fingers crossed.