Being Momma G: Day 22

I must keep reminding myself that our darling baby is only 3 weeks old, and is having a really really really hard time adjusting to life on Earth.

It's not Sean's fault that no one taught him the difference between day and night, nor explained to him in a way that he would understand that day time is for playing and night time is for sleeping and resting. It's not Sean's fault that no one gave him any instructions on how his little arms and legs work, and nor teach him that sometimes, when he wriggles his arm out of the wrap, the arm can hit his face and wake him.

For our little man, life in the outside is hard. Having spent months in a cushy room where the temperature is constant, food is on tap, sounds are muffled and light is dim if not completely dark, Sean has been on a steep learning curve for the past 3 weeks. Everything is totally new and foreign to him. The temperature can vary dramatically, food is available but not on tap, sound can vary from one thing to the next and from low volume to very loud, and light can range from very very bright to pitch black.

Whereas there was one person looking after him before he was born, there are now 2 sets of arms who carry him and cuddle him and hold him. Whereas he was use to floating naked in his own private pool, there are clothes and nappies and muslin wraps that encase his little body. Whereas hiccups never use to bother him while he was in utero, they now wake him and upset him and prevent him from sleeping.

In the past 3 weeks, these 2 big people who carry and cuddle and hold Sean have tried to cajole and direct him to sleep after certain events of the day. And when he fails to sleep after a lengthy period of time of cajoling, and becomes upset when the 2 big people keep putting him into a bassinet in the hope that he will sleep, this in turn upsets the 2 big people, who have been known to yell at Sean for protesting against being put into the bassinet. The 2 big people become increasingly upset the more Sean protests, or the later the night becomes.

Sean's not the only one on the steep learning curve. Both Jonathan and I are also on the same steep learning curve. No one ever said being a new parent was easy - in fact, everyone says it's one of the hardest things, if not the hardest thing a person will ever go through. Although Jonathan has been through the early days of parenthood once before, it was some time ago and he's relearning everything and trying to help me through the maze at the same time.

The fact that we have kept the baby alive for 3 weeks is a testament to how hard we've tried, and how far we've come in our journey so far.

Last night was another hard night. After the 11pm feed, Sean didn't want to settle down at all. I spent the better part of 90 minutes patting, walking around, bouncing, singing softly, talking softly, swaying, rocking, etc, to no avail. Sean just kept fighting against sleep, so by 1am, I was totally fried. I'd sent Jonathan to bed hours earlier, and with a little tiny bit of rest, he came and took over from me while I collapsed into bed. Thankfully, around 30 minutes later, Sean finally went to sleep.

Hoping Sean would feed and sleep at 4.30am was futile. Sean woke, fed, then took his time before settling down again. It didn't help that Sean had done a massive poop in his nappy, which needed a change after the feed. At 5am, my reflexes were at their sluggish worst, and I wasn't quite quick enough to prevent the little man from peeing all over himself, the change mat and over the rug on the floor. The nappy change woke Sean even more, so Jonathan and I both tried to settle Sean by putting him in the bed with us. In the end, Sean fell asleep on my belly after I'd also dropped off for a minute or two.

The little squeaks from the bassinet next woke me at around 8.30am, which I greeted with tears. I was feeling so exhausted, and just didn't want to face feeding the milk monster. I'm ashamed to say that at that point in time, I didn't want to deal with Sean at all. Jonathan took his time changing Sean out of yet another poopy nappy, and by the time they returned to the bedroom, I had composed myself enough to start the feeding.

I didn't feel much like sitting up for the feed, so Sean and I tried feeding while both lying down, which worked quite well. Jonathan came and laid down with us, and the 3 of us enjoyed some quiet cuddles while Sean had his breakfast.

While Sean was feeding, Jonathan and I mapped out our day. We needed to go out to the supermarket to buy groceries, and planned to head out as soon as the feed was finished and everyone was dressed. We were planning to use the pram while we were out, so that Sean could familiarise himself with the pram - we have a few scheduled outings where the pram would be the easiest mode of transporting Sean, so he needed to get use to it. We had certainly hoped that he would sleep in the pram while we were out.

For a while, Sean seemed happy enough in the pram. We walked around Macquarie Shopping Centre for a short time before he fell asleep. However, within 5 minutes of entering Woolworths to get our groceries, the little man woke up and proceeded to exercise his lungs. We had so much stuff to get, and Sean cried the whole time we were in Woolworths. We ended up taking turns carrying Sean and pushing the pram, while the other pushed the shopping trolley.

Sean cried the whole way home too, and as if right on cue, he fell asleep just after we got home and we had put away all the groceries and I had readied myself to feed him. While Sean was getting his lunch, Jonathan fixed our lunch (gourmet crackers with smoked dutch cheese, ham / salami, roma tomato and baby pickles), and we enjoyed some quiet afternoon time after Sean went down for his nap without a fight. All the crying at the shops must have worn him out.

We almost had to wake Sean for his next feed at 6pm. After that feed, Jonathan gave Sean a bath while I cooked dinner for us. Sean enjoyed his bath, but seemed to dislike the moisturiser Jonathan gave him afterwards. Sean screamed the house down! The reaction to the massage wore him out, and Sean went straight into the bassinet and off to sleep without any fuss.

For a change, Jonathan and I enjoyed an uninterrupted dinner and even managed to watch a couple of TV shows. It's now just after 10pm, and Sean has woken himself for his next feed, just as we were contemplating waking him. As he sounds like he's starving, I better go and feed him. I wonder what tonight will hold for us.