March 2011 In Pictures

Being Momma G: Day 90

Mum and Nana's first full day in Sydney was a lovely and relaxing one. Just as we had hoped it would be, and just as we were planning the rest of their stay to be.

Sleeping on the inflatable mattress was an interesting experience. I didn't inflate it as much as it probably should have been, which meant that every time Jonathan or I moved, the other was thrown about as if we were sleeping on opposite ends of a see saw. When Sean woke for a feed at 2.30am, I found I couldn't get up off the floor to take Sean out of the cot for a feed. Jonathan helped me, but feeding the little man on the mattress proved to be quite difficult. We managed to get through the feed, and everyone settled back into bed.

There really was no way I could have fed the little man on the inflatable mattress again, so when he woke just before 6am, we quietly went out to the armchair and Sean enjoyed a fairly decent feed.

Soon after Sean went back to bed, we all rose and had breakfast. It was all at a relaxing pace, with nothing much planned for today. Sean woke again just before 9.30am, enjoyed a nice feed, before settling down to some serious cuddles from his Grandma and Great Nana. Sean and I had been invited to a Mothers Group gathering at Rebecca's house, and we were all asked to bring a plate to share with the other mothers. I was going to make corn fritters, which had been a hit with others in the past.

While Sean was getting his special cuddles, I went about mixing the batter and frying the fritters. The fritters were dead easy to make, and they were good for breakfast, lunch or dinner. The batter was a basic pancake mix of self raising flour, eggs, milk and butter, with corn, finely diced capsicum and bacon added to the mixture. The aromas drew Mum and Nana into the kitchen, and they wanted to know if I could make a gluten free version for them to try. I promised to make some gluten free fritters for them during their stay.

The fritters took a little longer to make than I had anticipated, and by the time they were all ready, it was time to get both Sean and I dressed to head out to Rebecca's house. Jonathan and Mum and Nana were heading to the shops too, to buy supplies for dinner and to do a spot of shopping in Chatswood. We bade farewell to each other and headed our separate ways.

Rebecca and her husband Simon have a gorgeous house in West Ryde. Rebecca had been busy painting her house, and has plans to makeover her backyard in the next few years. She showed us around her gorgeous home and the other mothers and Sean and me settled in for a relaxing afternoon.

There was so much yummy food on offer. We all sampled the other mothers' cooking, and enjoyed our buffet lunch very much. Rebecca's mother in law Margaret was also on hand to chat with us, and it was lovely to get some sage advice from someone who had been there and done that and survived to tell the tale.

Sylvia took lots of photos of the mums and bubs and promised to send them around to everyone, and time flew as the babies played and slept and did baby things, like needing to be fed and changed. In a blink of an eye, it was time for Sean and I to head home, and we thanked Rebecca for such a lovely afternoon. Rebecca was going back to work as her maternity leave was drawing to an end, so she thought to host all the mothers before she went back to work. We all promised to try and work out a time to suit Rebecca so she wouldn't miss out on too many future gatherings.

After such an exciting afternoon, Sean was quite unsettled when we got home and needed a lot of help to get to sleep. When he did finally drop off to sleep, I went to investigate what Jonathan and Mum and Nana had bought for dinner.

There were 4 lovely pieces of trout in the fridge for dinner, as well as some delectable Crystal Bay prawns on offer. Jonathan also picked up some pak choy to go with the seafood dinner. The fish was beautiful and succulent and the prawns were tasty and juicy, and we enjoyed every bite.

Over dinner, we talked about foods that Mum and Nana were allowed to eat, and foods they were to avoid. Jonathan and I had really wanted to take Mum and Nana to yum cha for lunch during their stay, but we weren't sure if they would be able to eat much, as almost everything was made with things I thought they couldn't eat. I always thought they were not able to eat glutinous rice (or sticky rice), but I was wrong. Armed with this knowledge, Jonathan and I were confident that Mum and Nana could enjoy the experience, so I called my parents to arrange a lunch date with them tomorrow. As Nana had never been to yum cha, we were thrilled to be taking her to her first yum cha experience.

With Jonathan working in the evening, the rest of us relaxed with our books and hobbies. We all chilled out as we waited for the little man to wake up for his last feed of the day. Sean woke just after 9.30pm and settled down to a good feed, before having a nice luxurious bath (with Nana taking photos). I wasn't sure who was having the best time - Sean having a bath, Jonathan giving Sean a bath, or Nana taking photos of Jonathan giving Sean a bath!

The little man has just sucked down a good slug of top up formula, and it's time for bed for everyone. We have a slightly busier day tomorrow, so we all need some sleep. I've inflated the mattress some more, so hopefully, Jonathan and I will get a better night of sleep tonight without too much rocking motion!

Being Momma G: Day 89

Finally, after weeks of waiting, Mum and Nana are arriving today!

Sean must have been just as excited as we were, for he was quite unsettled overnight. He woke at 11.30pm after a long sleep, and had a fairly fussy feed. Sean woke again at 2.30am for his next feed, and then again at 4.30am. By the time he woke at 6.30am, I had nothing to give. Jonathan got out of bed and made up a bottle of formula, and the little man was happy enough to take that and sleep until just before 10am.

Jonathan had made arrangements to work in the office today, so that we may both head out to the airport to collect Mum and Nana this afternoon. After Jonathan left for work, I pottered around the house and tidied up some more. I really wanted to show off our house in the best light, and made sure everything was neat and tidy and all set for our lovely visitors.

Sean and I got ready to head out after his 10am feed, and we headed to Macquarie Centre for a quick shop. I wanted to get a few things from Big W and Woolworths, so we paid a visit to these shops. I had forgotten to bring my shopping list, but managed to get everything I wanted and needed from Woolworths. However, I managed to nothing I needed from Big W. I blamed "baby brain" for this.

To add further insult to injury, it wasn't until we were almost all the way home before I realised I had forgotten to buy breast pads from Big W. Oh well, they would have to wait until my next visit.

It was lunch time by the time we got home, so Sean enjoyed a feed before I too had some lunch. Afterwards, we went and paid a visit to Rita, who had been looking forward to having cuddles with Sean all week. We stayed for a little while and chatted, before Sean became tired and it was time for a nap. I woke him at 4pm to have his next feed, so that he would be full and happy for our trip out to the airport to pick up Mum and Nana.

As soon as Sean was fed, we got ready to head out. We were meeting Jonathan at 5pm at Avis in Artarmon to pick up the rental car that we had hired for the week Mum and Nana were in Sydney, and by the time we left home, Jonathan had already arrived at Avis. He had left work a little earlier than expected and was all ready to go by 4.30pm. Sean and I drove towards Artarmon, and once we saw Jonathan, we convoyed to the airport.

En route, I discovered that Mum and Nana's flight had arrived a tad earlier than expected, and with a little bit of unexpected traffic, we arrived at the airport well after the plane had landed. Sean had fallen asleep in the car, but woke as we parked in the car park. We all went to the Arrivals terminal to see Mum and Nana walking towards the car park.

We were all so excited to see each other. Mum and Nana were so excited to see Sean, and they gave him plenty of cuddles and kisses before we continued to the cars. Mum and Nana looked well, even though they had both had a long day already, especially Nana who had been awake since the crack of dawn to set off from Timaru.

With Sydney International Airport trialling a scheme whereby the first 15 minutes of parking is free, we hurried towards the ticket machines and validated our free parking. We loaded all the luggage and people in the cars - Nana went with Jonathan while Mum came with me and Sean, and headed towards Top Ryde for dinner.

Mum and I chatted in the car - it was so good to see her. Sean was well behaved during the car trip, and before we knew it, we were pulling up to Top Ryde Shopping Centre. Earlier this month, Jonathan and I had found a fantastic pizzeria at Top Ryde called Bar Angolo, which made very authentic pizzas with gluten free options. We really wanted to share this lovely place with Mum and Nana, and since it was nearly 7pm by the time we arrived at Top Ryde, we thought it was best to have dinner at Bar Angolo than try and cook a meal at home.

We spent some time perusing the menu, and ordered while I fed Sean. Our meals arrived thick and fast - Mum and Nana ordered a seafood pizza to share, Jonathan tried the meatballs and I ordered the Specials pizza. We enjoyed our meals with their homemade lemonade, and everyone was pleased with their choices.

With Mum and Nana fading fast, we went home and let Mum and Nana unpack and relax before bed. Sean had a top up of formula before he went to bed, with Nana hitting the hay next. Mum and Jonathan and I enjoyed some relaxing tea and caught up for a little while.

As Jonathan has to start work at 6.30am, it's now time for bed for everyone. Mum is in our room getting ready to sleep, and we should get ready to sleep on the inflatable mattress in Sean's room too. Looking forward to having Mum and Nana here for the next week!

Being Momma G: Day 88

Yet another quiet day at home with my two most favourite men, and I tried again to come to terms with the hole in my mouth.

I was still quite traumatised by the tooth extraction, and finally, the stress caught up with me. I had a long nap this afternoon, because I basically needed it. Jonathan tip toed around me while I napped, and only came to wake me when the baby needed my attention.

Speaking of the baby, Sean was perfectly behaved all day long, which made life a bit easier for me. This morning, he woke at 2.30am and at 5am, and continued the routine of dream feeding and going straight back to his bed to sleep. We got out of bed at 7.45am for the first proper feed of the day, and the little man smiled and laughed and talked with us before going back to bed.

At 10.45am, Sean had his next feed, and afterwards, Jonathan asked if I'd like to go up to Top Ryde to shop and have a bit of an outing. We still needed to get an outfit for Sean for his baptism, so to Top Ryde we went. We looked in a few shops before settling on a gorgeous white long sleeved body suit with a bear and a honey pot on the front, and the enclosed feet looked like little bears. The outfit was so cute and so soft, and I knew it would look perfect on our gorgeous little man.

We went to Woolworths next to get a few bits and pieces for the celebration lunch after the baptism on Sunday. We were expecting around 30 of our nearest and dearest to attend the lunch, which was awesome. We needed some plastic plates and forks and the like, so we picked up the party supplies from Woolworths. While at Woolworths, we also picked up quite a few bottles of soft drinks for everyone to have at the party.

With Mum and Nana arriving tomorrow, we wanted to get a few things from the supermarket in readiness for both events. Mum and Nana both have Coeliac Disease and adhere to a gluten free diet, and we wanted to have at least a box of gluten free cereal in the pantry for them to have at breakfast time on their first day in Sydney. We picked up a box of gluten free cereal and some gluten free bread, and Jonathan promised to take them both shopping for more gluten free foods once Mum and Nana touched down in Sydney.

Last and final stop for the day was at Dan Murphy's to pick up some wines for the party. We bought an assorted dozen and a mini keg of Heineken, and hoped this would be enough for our guests.

We had full trolleys by the time we left Dan Murphy's, and it was time to head home anyway. The loss of the tooth combined with the shopping trip knocked me out, so I slept. And it was a good sleep too.

I noticed some time today that Sean's skin was so much better. After using a combination of Paw Paw Ointment, Daktozin, Ego Dermaid Soft Cream 0.5%, Sudocream, Aveeno Baby Daily Moisturiser with Oatmeal and Johnson & Johnson Baby Sorbolene Cream, something was working because the rashes were noticeably less angry, the eczema type bumpy skin was a lot smoother, and the folds and creases where the skin was broken and weepy were all healing nicely. Thank you to so many different people for recommending so many different things!

After our shopping trip to Top Ryde, the little man had a feed just before 3pm, which kept him satisfied until just before 7pm. We gave him a top up at this feed, and hoped he would sleep through to 2am.

We are still hoping Sean would sleep through until 2am, but we have our doubts. And even though I had a sleep this afternoon, I am still tired and am heading off to bed to sleep more. I have a feeling the little man will wake shortly, but I really need to lie down. Not only was the hole in my mouth hurting, my back is now hurting too. I'm falling apart!!!

Being Momma G: Day 87

A quiet day at home today, which was good for me as I tried to cope with the hole in my mouth.

Dr Lee had asked me to rinse my mouth with warm salty water after every meal for the foreseeable future, and I was religiously following this instruction. I was also told to gently swoosh the water in my mouth, and not too violently as this may cause more damage to the hole, and I was extra cautious when it came time to brush my teeth and rinse my mouth.

With nothing planned for today, Sean and I were going to potter around the house, as was Jonathan when he wasn't working. It was going to be a lovely family day at home for us.

Sean was getting into a routine at night, sleeping for longer and longer after the last feed of the night. This morning, he woke at 2.30am and again at 5am, fed and went back to sleep. Our day officially started just after 8.30am with a proper feed in the armchair, and by the time Sean was full, Jonathan was finished with his morning shift, so the two of them played for a while before Sean went back for a sleep. Regular as clockwork, Sean woke 3 hours later for another feed.

Jonathan started the Slow Carb Diet today, so both of us were trying to find something for him to eat at lunch. I hope I would be able to help Jonathan with this diet - he really wanted to do something to shift a bit of weight, and I am 100% supportive of his decision to go on this diet. I was keen to look up some recipes to try, so we had the best of both worlds.

Even though Jonathan was working from home, he was still required to attend a meeting in the office at 2pm. I had expressed an interest to accompany him into the city, but with the little man sleeping soundly, I wasn't prepared to wake him just so we could have an outing, so Jonathan went to the city alone and we stayed at home.

The meeting was moved from 2pm to 3pm. Jonathan was gone for 4 hours in total. Thank goodness I decided not to go in with Jonathan. Sean and I would have been ropeable!

Sean woke at 3.45pm for a feed, and both of us had some tummy time before some play time after the feed. Sean sat in the inflatable "donut" for a while, and insisted on showing me his feet while he was in the donut. Sean was so incredibly gorgeous all afternoon.

Sean was asleep by the time Jonathan finally walked through the door around 5pm. Jonathan went straight to the study to start his afternoon shift, and I started to get dinner ready. Sean woke for his dinner at 7pm and had a rather fussy feed. He was a bit grizzly afterwards, but eventually, he did go to bed and sleep.

We've just given Sean his bath after he woke up at 10.30pm. Sean is about to start on his top up of formula, so I better get things ready for Jonathan and Sean. I should also go and have yet another salted water rinse. I really hope I'm doing the rinsing correctly, and that the hole is healing well.

Being Momma G: Day 86

It was a busy day today, with no time to grieve for my lost tooth.

Jonathan was very sweet and made sure he got in contact with the Tooth Fairy for me. I found a dollar under my pillow - but not just any dollar - it was his American Silver Dollar. My darling husband is so gorgeous - this gesture made me smile. I wasn't even aware he'd put the dollar under my pillow under he asked whether I'd checked if the Tooth Fairy had paid me a visit!

Sean continued to sense something was off with me, and he had a little bit of an off night himself, waking up at 2am and 4.30am. He was good enough to go back to sleep after those dream feeds, and when he woke again just before 8.30am, I got out of bed and gave him a feed in the armchair.

There was outdoor furniture to be put together today, so Jonathan put on his "handyman" cap and got busy with the tools. Don't we all love flat-pack furniture?!

Sean napped while Jonathan put together our tables and chairs, and after he woke, we headed out to Birkenhead Point to visit Spotlight, and to have lunch while we were there.

It was a lovely afternoon of shopping. We went to Spotlight and wound up buying a sewing machine. Yes, a sewing machine. I now owned a sewing machine. Not sure what I was going to do with it, but I now owned a sewing machine. We bought some cotton jersey fabric for us to use on Sean as wraps to keep his arms contained while he slept. After spending up big in Spotlight, we headed to Cotton On Kids to look for some winter clothes for Sean.

We had been given so many pieces of clothing for Sean, but most of them were summer bodysuits. As we were heading into winter, we needed a few pieces of clothing that had long sleeves. We found a few cute things in Cotton On Kids, and amazingly, once we got to the check out, it came to $10! Bargain!

We came home after our shopping expedition, and Sean finally had some lunch. We spoke with Mum on Skype in the afternoon, and she seemed very excited with her impending visit. Certainly, Jonathan and I were very excited with the prospect of having Mum and Nana stay with us for a week, and after a short chat, we waved Mum goodbye and looked forward to seeing her on Wednesday.

The little man woke for a feed just after our dinner, and then again just before 9pm. After going through the rigmarole of the night time routine, Sean went to sleep happy.

Jonathan is going to be working from home this week, with the exception of Wednesday when he will be working from the office. It will be nice to have him at home with us this week, especially since Mum and Nana arrive on Wednesday, and he will be able to spend more time with them when working from home. 3 more sleeps till they get here! Woot!

Being Momma G: Day 85

For the first time in over 25 years, the Tooth Fairy would be paying me a visit today.

Just after we found out we were pregnant with Sean, my teeth started to play up. At around 15 weeks, I paid my first visit to a dentist after feeling pain in my upper left molar. The dentist at the time found I had a small fracture across the top of the tooth, but at the time, she didn't want to do anything that could jeopardise the pregnancy. She gave me a filling and asked me to return to her once Sean was born.

That trip to the dentist was the first of many more. Another molar, this time it was the bottom right molar, started hurting around our wedding. There were nights when I could only sleep if I took Panadol before bed time. I put up with the pain, but it got worse, and during our honeymoon, I decided I needed to see the dentist again when we got back.

Being Momma G: Day 84

After two very big days, the little man slept soundly last night. The adventures wore him out so much that he slept from just after 10.30pm to 5am!

Sean was very very hungry by the time he woke for a feed, and he fed very well. He must have been pretty tired, for he went back to his cot without a fuss, and stayed there until 9.30am.

With the Ikea outdoor furniture being delivered today between 7am and 10am, I got out of bed with Jonathan as he was getting ready to go to work. While I waited, I did my housework and watched some news. As the minutes ticked by, I knew that Sean could wake at any time and demand to be fed. By the time Sean woke at 9.30am, the furniture had yet to arrive and I was starting to wonder if the van would ever turn up. I called the delivery company, only to be told that the driver would contact me within 30 minutes of arriving at our house. I told the customer service rep that I needed to breast feed a baby, and I would not be able to get up and tell the driver where to put the furniture once I sat down with Sean. She was unsympathetic, and only after I ranted for a bit longer about punctuality and my expectations of their delivery service did she offer to call the driver to find how far away he was. After a minute or so, she returned with advice that he was 10 minutes away, and that he said he had sent a text to say he was arriving soon. I told her I had not received any notification, and that I hoped the driver was only 10 minutes away, as Sean would get quite upset if the driver took any longer to arrive.

The driver called me as soon as I hung up from the delivery company, and told me he was only 5 minutes away. And sure enough, he arrived within 5 minutes of his phone call. After receiving the packages and signing for them, Sean and I sat down to his breakfast.

Once Sean was finished with his meal, we got ready to head next door to meet Rasima, who ran a family day care from her house. Prior to Sean being born, I had put him down on a number of waiting lists for child care for August this year, when I had planned to return to work. Even though I had now extended my maternity leave, I still wanted to meet Rasima and see her operation in the hope that she may have a spot for Sean in January next year. On our way to Rasima's house, we stopped and had a chat with Rita, who was doing a bit of gardening at the front of her house. Rita really wanted to have a cuddle with Sean, so we promised we would drop in next week to pay a visit.

Rasima was not what I expected. I imagined her to be in her late 40s, based on her voice when we'd spoken on the phone. Instead, I was greeted by a lovely lady who was the same age as me, athletic and full of energy. Rasima told me that she was a mother of 3 and she had always loved kids. About 7 years ago, she completed her certification to become a family day carer, and she had been caring for kids in her house ever since.

Today, Rasima was looking after 4 little ones - 3 girls and a little boy who was 7 months old. The kids were gorgeous, and they had plenty of things to do and a big area to play in, which was all covered and shaded. Rasima also showed me around her house, and the big den where the kids would play when they were inside the house. Rasima explained that both her sons lived with her, as well as her elder son's friend; her daughter had recently moved out with her boyfriend into a place of their own. The look on my face prompted her to continue - Rasima was a young mum, and her eldest was 20 years old. Her daughter was 18, and her youngest was 9. She went on to say that the den where the children played was off limits to anyone living in the house - the room was only used by the children she cared for.

Rasima showed me the scrapbooks she kept for each of the kids she looked after, filled with photos of what the kids got up to when they were being cared for by her. I was very impressed to see everything Rasima showed me, and after a bit more chatting, I was convinced that I would like her to look after Sean when I went back to work.

Sean fell asleep during our visit, and after thanking Rasima for her time, we went home. On our way to our front door, we saw Marie with a few bags of groceries from her shopping trip. I offered to help Marie take her groceries inside for her, but Marie insisted she needed to do the job on her own. We chatted for a while, before Sean started stirring and we bade farewell to Marie so I could put Sean down for a sleep.

The little darling went into the cot and slept for 2 hours. Yes, after falling asleep in the Minimonkey sling, Sean was happy to sleep some more in his own cot. We were making progress!

While Sean slept, I found out from one of my sisters that both the girls were having dinner with Dad and Mum tonight, so I called Jonathan and asked him if he'd like to have dinner with the folks as well. After getting the thumbs up, I called the parents and asked to join them for dinner, and were told to meet up with everyone else at Sea Treasure Seafood Restaurant in Crows Nest at 6.30pm.

When Sean woke just before 2pm, we fed and got dressed to go out. We had a date with Charmaine and her little man Christian to have coffee at Top Ryde, and Sean's timing was perfect. We were a few minutes late getting to Top Ryde, which worked out really well as Charmaine's mother-in-law Mrs Sam had to get something from Big W first. We spent the afternoon chatting over tea and cakes at Pattison's Patisserie, comparing notes on our babies, and how far we had come from those very first days in hospital. Christian was so so so cute, and it was lovely to see how big he had grown. Mrs Sam was much better at Cantonese than English, so I spent the afternoon practicing my Cantonese on her.

Sean was perfectly behaved and slept for a little while in the pram. When he woke, he was more than happy to be in the sling. Time flew, and before we knew it, it was time to leave Top Ryde and head to Crows Nest for dinner. Charmaine and I made plans to catch up again, and I invited her to join my Mothers Group outings when she had the time.

The traffic in the afternoon was horrible, and the little man was tired and irritable and hungry all at the same time. By the time we finally arrived in Crows Nest, Sean was long overdue a feed, and as soon as we parked the car, I jumped into the backseat and tried to feed our very upset little man. Sean was at his most wriggly, and had a very fussy feed. My boobs were so full that milk was actually squirting from them, which Sean did not enjoy. After trying to keep him on for 15 minutes, we gave up on the feed and went into the restaurant.

Dinner was a feast, and Sean was a little bit upset through dinner, but he did manage to get a little bit more sleep in the pram. Jonathan and I asked Grace for some advice on what to put on Sean's various skin patches, especially the creases in his neck which appeared to be split and weeping. Grace recommended a combination of Daktozin, Ego Dermaid Soft Cream 0.5%, Sudocream, and Johnson & Johnson Baby Sorbolene Cream. Poor little man - so many lotions and potions!

As soon as dinner was finished, we headed home and gave Sean a better feed. As per the usual night time routine, Jonathan gave him a bath, and then gave Sean a top up of formula. After another exciting and long day, we hope the little man will sleep well tonight.

Being Momma G: Day 83

After our big adventure yesterday, today turned out to be another action packed day for Sean.

It was 1am by the time Sean woke for a feed. After being asleep for 5.5 hours, Sean was very hungry and enjoyed a good feed in bed. Sean managed another 3.5 hours sleep before waking at 5am for his next feed. When Sean next woke at 7.30am, I wasn't going to deny him more milk, considering the long long day he had yesterday.

Sean and I enjoyed a little bit of play time after the feed, before noticing our lovely gardener Warren was getting ready to mow our lawn for us. Sean and I had a good long chat with him, and we dropped into Rita's backyard for a short visit too, and had a good chat with her. Rita asked if Jonathan and I could help her over the weekend to move a few things from her garage down to the kerb for the Council pick up early next week, and I readily agreed. I could see Rita really wanted to have a cuddle with Sean, so we made plans for us to drop by again early next week.

After our chats with Warren and Rita, Sean went back to bed for a good sleep, in preparation for our Mothers Group outing. Today's gathering was at Top Ryde Shopping Centre just near the kids play area, near Pumpkin Patch. We'd missed out on the previous week's gathering due to Tresillian, and I was really looking forward to seeing the ladies again.

Right on time, Sean woke at 11.30am for a feed, and after a bit of a play while I scoffed down some lunch, we changed into our "going out" clothes and got ready to head up to Top Ryde Shopping Centre. Sean was happy to be in the pram, and soon after we arrived, he had a nap in the pram while I caught up with the ladies.

The group today consisted of Rachel & Maddy, Janet & Caitlin, Candy & Nathaniel, Suzie & Cara, Daisy & Olivia and us. Rebecca joined us for a very short time, to invite us to her house for next week's gathering. Rebecca's husband Simon was spending the day with Rebecca, who was enjoying her last couple of weeks of maternity leave. Rebecca's little girl Emily was a little bit older than the rest of the babies - Emily was 6 months old, and was starting to learn how to crawl. After extending her invitation to have us over at her house next week, Rebecca and Simon left to enjoy their afternoon.

It was a lovely gathering. All the babies seemed to want to sleep at the same time, and all the babies all seemed to want to feed at the same time as well. After a short sleep, Sean woke at 2.45pm, and I continued chatting with the ladies while feeding Sean. Most of the other ladies fed their babies too as we continued enjoying each other's company. The afternoon flew by all too quickly, and soon we all went our separate ways. As we had just passed the free parking threshold and were now requiring to pay for our parking, Sean and I went to Big W for a quick wander before heading home.

We got home just after 5.30pm, and sat down to a proper feed. Sean would have had a good sleep too if today wasn't Thursday and Jonathan and I had not planned to do the grocery shopping at Rhodes Shopping Centre. By the time we finished feeding, Jonathan was home from work, and we got ready to head out again.

With Sean fed, it was our turn to have dinner, so we headed to the food court when we arrived at Rhodes Shopping Centre. The choices were quite limited, and in the end, Jonathan had something from the Chinese food stall, while I had a bowl of Tom Yum Thai with noodles. We headed up to Ikea after dinner, and bought 2 sets of outdoor furniture for our backyard. We had been talking for some time about getting some outdoor furniture, and just before Christmas, I had seen a set consisting of a table, a bench seat and 2 arm chairs at Ikea for $150. After much debate, we decided to get 2 sets of furniture, as we had enough room in the backyard for them, plus it would be extra seating for our guests at Sean's baptism celebration lunch. With our Ikea Family membership, the price we paid per set was $50 cheaper than the normal price.

We wheeled the heavy boxes to the delivery counter and paid Ikea $30 to deliver the parcels. The delivery was scheduled to arrive between 7am and 10am tomorrow, which suited us as I didn't have anything planned until 10am, when Sean and I would be paying a visit to the family day care house next door.

As quick as we could, we whizzed around Coles and got all our groceries, and headed home with an increasingly cranky Sean. As soon as we put all the groceries away, we went through the last feed of the night routine with Sean - a feed, a bath, a top up, a short play, and bed.

What a day! We'd gotten so much achieved today. Tomorrow is another full day for us, with 3 outings in total. What busy little bees we are!

Being Momma G: Day 82

A big adventure awaited Sean and I today. Today, Sean was going to catch a bus for the first time in his life, and meet all the "uncles" and "aunties" at my work.

Today, I was going to ask for an extension to my maternity leave, and I hoped work would be understanding and agree to extend my leave.

After telling Sean a few times yesterday what a big day we had planned for today, he slept until 3am before waking for a feed. Having gotten almost 5 hours of sleep, I was ready to stay awake, or at least alert, to feed Sean. It was a good feed, and the little man had no trouble going back into his cot and back to sleep afterwards.

Just after Jonathan left to go to work, Sean woke for his next feed, so we went to the lounge room and fed in the armchair. A short play time after the feed ensued, before Sean returned to his cot for another sleep. The little man woke with a start after only one sleep cycle, and I managed to resettle him within 15 minutes, after which Sean slept for another hour. Woot!

It was just before 11am when Sean woke to have a feed, and straight afterwards, we got ready to head out. We drove to St Leonards, where we parked the car, and Sean and I went up to the bus stop to wait for the bus. Sean was happy enough to be in his pram for a while, and the bus arrived after a short wait. Once on the bus, the little man wanted to see what being on a bus was all about, so I took him out of the pram so he could look about and see the view out the window.

Sean and I enjoyed our bus trip together, and Sean even charmed a couple of ladies sitting near us by giving them big smiles. The bus trip to the city didn't take long, and we arrived in the city in plenty of time. We headed straight to Church Stores to get the baptism candle, and I found one that matched our wedding candle. I wanted to have the candle personalised with Sean's name and baptism date, but I had left it too late to get the personalisation completed - we needed to give at least 4 weeks of notice to get it done. I decided to wait until after the baptism to get the personalisation done, if at all.

Sean fell asleep in the pram while we were at Church Stores, and slept until we arrived at my office building. We were warmly greeted by the lovely Neil, one of the security guys for the building. Neil and I chatted for a little while before we went through the doors and up to my office. Sean was well and truly awake by the time we rounded the corner and into the area where I worked, and he was very warmly greeted by everyone.

It was good to see the team. Yolande had a cuddle with the little man, as did Leah and Gaylene. Mat shied away from a cuddle, but Jeff and James didn't. Word quickly spread that I was in the office, and Katie, Deanne, Marian and Anisha all swung by to meet the little man. Neil S, one of my managers, came through after his meeting, and he had a little cuddle with Sean. Sean enjoyed being the centre of attention and lapped up all the cuddles.

All too soon, it was 3pm and time for us to head around to Paula's office. The reason for my visit to work was to speak with Paula about extending my maternity leave, and we were to meet at 3pm to discuss my options. On our way to Paula's office, we bumped into the big wigs Neil Mc and Gio, both of whom cooed over the baby and asked after me. By the time we walked around to Paula's office, we were running quite a few minutes behind schedule, and Sean was getting hungrier and hungrier and wasn't afraid to let everyone know about it.

When Paula and I finally sat down to have a chat, I also fed Sean, who was more than happy to have his lunch while we talked. Paula was very understanding of my intentions and my reasoning behind my decision to take more time off work. Paula had been following Sean's progress through this blog, and she was supportive of my decision and told me that should I wish to extend my leave even further, beyond January 2012, she would certainly try to help me sort something out. In the meantime, she would help me get the ball rolling on extending my current leave plan, so my return to work date would be changed from 1 August 2011 to 16 January 2012. It was lovely to know that I was going to be taken care of and looked after by work.

Sean was well behaved and fed well throughout our chat, and at the end of our meeting, Paula had a few cuddles with the little man, who was a lot happier and more personable now that he had a full stomach. As it was getting late in the day, we bade farewell to Paula and continued our visit to some of my other colleagues who had yet to see Sean. We dropped by Jesse's office, and Jesse had a good long cuddle. Jesse had correctly predicted Sean's sex well before anyone knew he was a boy, and Jesse had been looking forward to meeting Sean.

Keeping an eye on the time, we finished off our visit by dropping in on Marlene. More cuddles for the little guy, who was just lapping it up! Sean now had so many more fans, and we made a promise to return for future visits.

We left my office building just before 5pm and headed up to Jonathan's office building to pick him up. Sean was still awake when we reached Jonathan's office building, so Jonathan picked Sean up and gave him cuddles, and we walked down to the bus stop together. The poor little man was beyond tired, and fell asleep in Jonathan's arms on the bus on the way to St Leonards.

As soon as we got home, Sean had another feed, before going to bed without a whimper. It had been a long day for the little guy, so we weren't surprised that he did not fight us about going to bed.

I have no idea what time the little man is going to wake up, but as Jonathan and I are both tired, we are not going to continue to wait. No doubt Sean will wake soon, but in the meantime, we will wait for him in bed, hopefully getting a little sleep before Sean needs our attention again.

Being Momma G: Day 81

And so the sleep training continued today.

After Sean woke at 11.30pm last night, Jonathan and I decided it would be best if Sean was fed in our bed. As I was still relatively awake, I kept an eye on the time and on how Sean was doing - the little man has been known to fall asleep on the boob, which was not something we would encourage, so as soon as he started to fall asleep, I would poke Sean and wake him up. Sean fed well, and was almost asleep by the end of the feed, so it was easy to put him to back into his cot to sleep.

Sean woke again at 3am, and I was quite groggy and foggy after collecting Sean from his room. Both of us fell asleep during the feed, and Sean did not want to be woken to go on the second boob. So I popped him back to bed and crawled back into bed myself.

At 5.30am, Sean's little stomach woke him up with hunger pangs, which was typical of Sean feeding on one side only. Again, I brought him back into the bed and we had a good feed. By the time we finished feeding, Jonathan was about ready to get out of bed to prepare for work, so he took Sean back into his room and put him back to bed.

I got up to have a coffee with Jonathan as he was having his breakfast, and stayed up to watch Sunrise after Jonathan left for work. The little man joined me at 8am, and after putting Sean back to bed, I set about getting a few chores done.

I emailed work to see if I could drop in tomorrow to have a chat with someone about extending my maternity leave. As Jonathan and I had already discussed my intentions last week, there was now a real need to speak with my managers about it, and to get the ball rolling on the extension. Paula seemed happy to have a chat with me, so we set a time for me to visit and to show off Sean to everyone.

With Sean's baptism just around the corner, I needed to go to Church Stores the city to buy a baptism candle for the ceremony. Tomorrow's going to be a busy day!

For the rest of the day, I practiced what I'd learned from Tresillian, and Sean was perfectly behaved and continued the sleep training with me without a fuss. Like clockwork, the little man woke at 11.45am, just after 3pm, and just after 6pm for feeds.

I had planned to cook a roast beef dinner for us tonight, and had asked Jonathan earlier in the day to call me when he was getting on the bus to come home. The bus driver had other ideas and decided to show up for work to drive the bus that Jonathan would normally take to come home. I had timed everything so that I would put dinner into the oven at the time the bus was scheduled to pick Jonathan up from Wynyard to bring him home. With the bus driver failing to show up for work, Jonathan was stuck in the city, so I turned the oven temperature down and left the roast to cook slowly.

With Jonathan delayed in the city, I had to give Sean his bath. It was the first time I'd given him a bath at home in a very long time, and I was quite nervous and hoped that I would not drop him into the water. Fortunately, Sean enjoyed his little splash and there were no dramas, and Sean was well and truly in bed and asleep by the time Jonathan arrived home.

The roast was cooked perfectly. The vegetables were also cooked to perfection. The dinner left us wanting more!

With Sean much more settled and feeding so much better, I couldn't help but be in a much better mood. I looked around my living room tonight and surveyed what I had - a wonderful husband, a perfectly healthy baby, a beautiful house, and my health. I was so happy and felt so blessed and loved.

Just before 9.30pm, Sean woke for a feed. It had been 3 hours and his stomach had woken him like an alarm clock. We've now just finished feeding, and Jonathan is trying to burp our baby. Once the baby's been burped, he'll go back to bed and we will be heading that way ourselves. Sean and I have a big day tomorrow, so we both need to be well rested and full of beans by the morning. So we bid you a good night, and hope the little man has one too!

Being Momma G: Day 80

Some people are so rude.

After dealing with one of the rudest people I'd had the displeasure of ever encountering, I was to face another rude person today, this time in the form of a random stranger.

The rude person from yesterday caused a few nightmares, which were expected. At least Sean was great overnight, waking at 12.30am, 3.30am and 7am for feeds. A pattern was slowly emerging with his waking and feeding times, which was helpful to me. I hoped this pattern would become more consistent as time went on.

We got out of bed for the 7am feed, and Sean was happy to go back to bed afterwards. We did need to go out later in the day, so while Sean was asleep, I had a shower and put on a load of laundry before sitting down to relax. Sean woke at 10am, and after the feed, we headed out to Chatswood to run our errands. There would be no screaming in the car during this trip - Sean was in a great mood and enjoyed playing with the string of toys we had hung at his feet.

First stop: Target; to exchange the babysuits we bought on Saturday, as they were a bit too small for him. Sean was in a good mood and was happily sitting in the pram, looking at me while I chatted to him. While I was being served at the exchange counter, the lady standing behind me remarked that Sean looked like a little old man. I was completely sure I heard her correctly, but thought she did say Sean looked like a little old man. So, for my piece of mind, I asked her to repeat what she said. In a slightly louder voice, the lady said, "Your baby looks like a little old man; a balding little old man."

WTF???

So stunned was I that I didn't know how to respond, except to laugh and say "Oh, I guess he does." I wished I had been a bit quicker off the mark. What I wanted to say was "And you look like a fat old lady." Or "At least his hair will grow back; you'll always be ugly." Or anything snappy / witty / not lame.

Really. Some people are just plain rude.

We left Target dazed and confused by the rude comment, which stayed with me for the rest of the day, and headed up to have yum cha with Dad and Mum. Sean was perfectly behaved, which included having a 20 minutes snooze in the pram while I ate, and was rewarded with a feed in the Parents Room straight after lunch. A quick wander around the shops and then it was time to go home.

There would be no screaming on the way back either! Sean was tired after the trip to Chatswood, and he fell asleep in the car on our way home. It was lovely to not have to deal with Sean screaming from Chatswood all the way back to our house.

Sean woke as I was taking him out of the car - I had tried my best to not wake him, but trying to unclip a sleeping baby from a car seat and transferring him from the car to his cot without waking him was impossible. Sean was on the verge of being overtired, so as soon as we got into the house, I wrapped him up in his blanket and put him down for a sleep in his cot. Sean showed me just how good he was at sleeping, and went off to dreamland without any problems. He must have been tired, as he slept for 2 hours!

When Sean finally woke just after 6pm, it had been 4.5 hours since the start of the previous feed. The little man was hungry, and drank like a trooper. Jonathan came home just as we were finishing one side, and he waited until we were finished with the feed before running a bath for the little guy. A top up after the bath finished off our night time routine.

While Sean slept, Jonathan and I enjoyed our dinner and some TV viewing. If last night's effort was anything to go by, Sean would probably be waking up some time around midnight.

As I type this, Sean is making little squawky noises from his cot. I better go and tend to my prince!

Being Momma G: Day 79

The following post is classified "MA15+". It contains frequent coarse language and adult themes. The blogger recommends viewing by people who are not opposed to and will not be offended by the frequent use of coarse language.

Yes, Mum and Dad and Nana, I'm looking squarely at you. Please avert your eyes now, and move on to another post, or another blog entirely.

And yes, uncles and aunties who are also visiting this blog, I am looking at you too. For the sake of not wanting to upset you with my foul language, please look away now.

Click off to a happier place. I'll even give you a few places to go. Please click here, or here, or here, or here, or here, or even here. Please do not read on.

If you are still reading this, you have only yourself to blame for getting upset with my foul language.

Are you sure you want to be reading this? Absolutely sure? All right, I've warned you enough times. Here we go.

Fuck off, Evil Witch. Just fuck off and die.

Who the fuck do you think you are, giving me orders and telling me to tell my family to rejig their schedules to suit yours? Do you honestly think you are that fucking important that people who have never met you (and have no intention of ever meeting you) are expected to drop everything and bow at your feet and agree to your fucking unreasonable and outrageous demands?

You are a fucking worthless piece of shit, and just because you can and do order your own parents around, that does not give you the fucking right to demand that I do the same to mine to suit you. Fucking idiot.

Just fuck off and die, you fucking waste of space.

After a fairly hectic night, when both Sean and I fell asleep during the midnight feed resulting in Sean sleeping in our bed until 2am, and then when Sean fell asleep during the 5am feed and needing to be resettled afterwards, I was feeling quite zonked and drained when Mina came into our room at 6.30am. As always, my hero came to my rescue, and it was Jonathan who resettled Sean, and it was Jonathan to put Mina back to bed for a little while longer before they both got up for breakfast and to play quietly in the lounge room, so I could sleep for a bit longer.

I woke up to Jonathan and Mina talking to the Evil Witch on the phone (on loudspeaker, so I could hear the Evil Witch's voice), discussing the (apparently) new arrangements for Sunday night drop offs, with Mina staying for dinner every Sunday night. I heard Jonathan say to the Evil Witch that once Mina had sorted out her issues with the sleepovers, then we would go back to the previous arrangements of Mina sleeping over 2 nights every fortnight, and be dropped off before dinner every Sunday night. Jonathan also mentioned that he and I would like to return to our pattern of having dinner with my parents on Sunday nights.

The Evil Witch asked why we couldn't take her with us to have dinner with my parents before dropping her home. Jonathan explained that dinner usually started at 6.30pm (which they do) and continue on until 8pm, so if we were to take Mina, we would not be returning her until 9.30pm, which was far far far too late.

Let me just interject here to let you know that we were never asked about the new arrangements of having dinner with Mina every Sunday night. About this time last year, the Evil Witch demanded that Mina went home for dinner every Sunday night, and that we were to drop her off by no later than 5pm. The Evil Witch went on to say that she felt she wasn't spending enough time with Mina, and in order to have more time with her, the Evil Witch wanted Mina home earlier on a Sunday. We agreed, because we failed to see the point of arguing with her.

Mina was extremely unhappy about the new arrangements. We had assumed that the Evil Witch would tell Mina of the new arrangements, but you know what they say about people who assume, and we certainly made an ass out of ourselves. On the first Sunday with the new arrangements in place, Mina started planning what we were to have for dinner, and we told her that she wasn't having dinner with us and that she was going home for dinner. Mina burst into tears and was quite upset with the plans. It came to light that Mina was never informed of the new arrangements.

After we calmed Mina down, we asked her to tell the Evil Witch how upset she was about the new arrangements and that she wanted to have dinner with us, and we hoped that by Mina telling the Evil Witch how she felt, we could work something out that would make Mina happy. Unfortunately, when it came time to tell her mother that she wanted to stay and have dinner with us every Sunday night, Mina was ambushed by the Evil Witch and ended up agreeing to what the Evil Witch wanted. The Evil Witch's exact words to Mina, when we told her that Mina didn't want the new arrangements, were "Oh, well, plans change, so deal with it."

So, for months and months and months, we had been returning Mina home by 5pm every Sunday. Last weekend, at Mina's request, she stayed for dinner with us and was dropped home at 7pm. This weekend, we were simply told by the Evil Witch that we were to keep Mina until after dinner and to be dropped home by 7pm. Not asked. We never get asked anything. We only get told. Fucking stupid woman.

And before anyone jumps down my throat for being a bad stepmother, let me tell you that I love having Mina over for dinner on a Sunday night. My gripe is with the fucking idiot, who did not give us any notice at all that the plans had changed.

So after telling the Evil Witch that we were happy to have Mina for dinner tonight, and finding out that one of the reasons for us having Mina was because the Evil Witch had made plans to be out with her partner for dinner, the phone call finished and Jonathan hung up. A few minutes later, Jonathan received a text message from the Evil Witch, asking why my parents couldn't come to our house for dinner on a Sunday night, so Mina can have dinner with my parents as well as me and Jonathan, and thereby allowing her to have her social life back on a Sunday evening.

I beg your fucking pardon???

Firstly, my family has nothing to do with the Evil Witch. So why did she think she had a right to make suggestions about how my family should spend time together? Secondly, we agreed to an arrangement that she demanded last year, not requested; demanded. But now, apparently, the arrangements no longer suit her, so she was demanding again that the arrangements change. A request would be great. But the fucking idiot with no fucking ideas continued to demand things of us. So unfair.

Why can't she mind her own fucking business? Why can't she get a life and stop sticking her nose where it doesn't belong? She must be so bored and so unfulfilled with her own life that she feels she must create chaos and misery in other people's lives. Ultimately, though, I don't give a flying fuck why she's causing problems. Just stay the fuck away from me.

Fuck off, twat. Just fuck off and die. Keep the fuck out of my life. You have no fucking place in my life, nor anything to do with me, and I have no intention of ever inviting you back into my life. You fooled me once, shame on you. You will never fool me again into thinking you are a reasonable human being. Fuck off. Just fuck off.

So so so so SO sick of this fucking bullshit. I'm done. Just fuck off and die, you stupid fucking idiot.

That was my morning. How I hate dealing with that fucking insufferable woman.

Thank goodness the little guy was gorgeous. Sean woke just after midnight, fed, and was no trouble at all going back to his own bed afterwards. He woke again at 5am, had a fussy feed on one side only, and after only an hour of sleep, decided he wanted some company. Jonathan got out of bed and resettled him, before Mina came into our room at 6.30am wanting to know if it was time for breakfast. She'd obviously forgotten the rule about not coming into our room before 7am. I was too tired to tell her to go back to bed, and thankfully, Jonathan by now was awake enough to deal with Mina.

I slept until 8.45am, when I was woken by the sound of the Evil Witch's voice. What a horrible way to wake up.

Sean woke around 9am and had a better feed before having some great play time on the floor with the jungle gym and various toys. The play time wore him out, and Sean slept until nearly 12.30pm before waking for another feed.

After lunch, Sean and I went to Epping to visit a few friends at the Epping Club Wedding Expo. Our lovely friends Charmaine and Sam were exhibiting their wares and services, as was the lovely Jennie.

Charmaine and I met while we were both in hospital after giving birth to our sons, who were born one day apart. Charmaine and I both experienced problems breast feeding and met while we were receiving advice from the gorgeous Margaret the lactation consultant on how to breast feed our babies. Since coming home with our babies, we had kept in touch, with plans for a face to face catch up when things at home settled down.

Charmaine has a wedding planning business called Be Our Guest, in perfect partnership with her husband Sam, who is the director of Samaine | Photography. Since I hadn't seen either Charmaine nor Sam since we left hospital, Charmaine and Sam exhibiting at the Wedding Expo was a perfect chance for me to swing by and say hi.

Jennie was our florist for our wedding, and we clicked the moment we met to discuss our wedding floral requirements. Jennie was also pregnant at the time - her little man CP is a few months older than Sean - so we had been able to share our joyful journeys to motherhood. Since the wedding, Jennie and I had remained in contact with each other via Facebook. Jennie was also exhibiting her floral creations at the Expo, which meant I could visit Jennie as well as Charmaine and Sam.

Sean was in a good mood in the car the whole way to Epping, and remained so while I tried to find Charmaine & Sam and Jennie's stands. I had Sean in the Minimonkey sling and he was happy enough to be carried around. Sean was pretty tired, and by the time I found Charmaine and Sam's stand, he was almost asleep.

Charmaine looked terrific, and Sam looked as chuffed as ever. They were quite proud of their stand - very elegant and simple and showed off Charmaine's wedding invitations perfectly, and there were quite a few enquiries when I was at the stand, talking to Charmaine. We had a very speedy catch up, talking about our kids, and they cooed over Sean, who spent most of the catch up happily dozing. It was good to hear Charmaine's son Christian was doing well, and it was great to see Charmaine looking fantastic. You would not be able to tell she had a child 10 weeks ago!

I spent about 20 minutes at the stand, talking with Charmaine. I felt a little guilty that I was taking up so much of her time, but she was keen to talk, so I stayed on for a bit. Eventually though, after making plans to catch up with Charmaine over coffee at a later stage, I bade them farewell as they were swamped with enquiries, and headed around to the next exhibition area to look for Jennie.

Jennie saw the baby before she saw me, and spent time cooing over the little man who she had been looking so much forward to meeting. Jennie's stand was lovely, but there appeared to less bouquets than I'd expected. Jennie explained that the Expo organisers had asked to use her creations in the fashion parade, which Jennie gladly agreed to, as it was great exposure for Jennie and her business. We chatted for a while before I realised Sean and I had been out for ages, and that to avoid Sean screaming all the way home in the car, we really should be heading off. Before we left, I took Jennie around to introduce her to Charmaine and Sam - it's all about networking!

Sean and I left after that. We came home and had a feed, and the little man enjoyed a little bit of play time with Mina before going to bed. Dinner followed soon afterwards, and before we knew it, it was time for Jonathan to take Mina home. Not long after they left, Sean woke up and had a good feed, and Jonathan came home just in time to run the bath and give the little man his bottle.

After the traumatic morning, I am now totally pooped. I'm going to head off to bed and hope that I won't have nightmares tonight about the Evil Witch. Every time she upsets me, I have nightmares, either with her chasing me with a knife, or with Jonathan leaving me for her and saying that it would be for the best interest of Mina that he returned to the Evil Witch.

How I wish I can switch off every time she upsets me. I must learn to block her out. I must. For my sanity, I must!

Being Momma G: Day 78

With a busy day ahead of us, we hoped Sean would have a good night last night, and we did.

The pattern had been set at Tresillian, which saw the little guy wake at 12.30am, 3.30am and 7.30am for feeds, and each time, he was great at going back to sleep in his own cot. We couldn't have been happier with the transition, from sleeping in a bassinet in our room, to sleeping in a cot in his very own room.

After the 7.30am feed, Sean went back for a little snooze before we had to wake him at 9.30am to go to our pre-Baptism course at the church. This meeting was one of many that had to be rescheduled from earlier this week due to Tresillian, and even though Sean was tired and a little bit grumpy, he was otherwise perfectly behaved during our one hour meeting.

It was 11am by the time we left the church, which coincided with the time for the first open house inspection for the St Leonards apartment to commence. We hoped we would get a good number of people through the apartment!

We headed to Chatswood, as we needed to return some swaddler blankets we bought yesterday. While at Tresillian, we were told we were not allowed to use the Miracle Blankets that we had wrapped Sean in to sleep for the past few weeks. Sean spent a week out of the blanket, and we had tried our best during that week to wrap him in the muslins that we owned, but alas, Sean had gotten so big that the muslins were now too small to contain His Wriggliness. Since Sean still needed to be wrapped to go to sleep, we needed to get some news ones. And Toys R Us had a small selection, one brand of which was on sale, so we bought it, took it home, and found it far far far too small for our growing baby.

With the weather getting cooler, we wanted to buy some full bodysuits to keep Sean warm. We took a trip to Target and found some bodysuits, and while I thought we should get a few suits that were slightly too big for Sean, Jonathan thought Sean should have snug fitting bodysuits. Jonathan won the argument and we got the slightly smaller ones.

We had so much fun looking at things in Target that we had forgotten to keep a check on the time. Jonathan had pre-arranged to collect Mina from her house at 2pm, and would be late if he was to drop us at home prior to setting off for Mina. So we all drove to Bankstown from Chatswood to collect Mina, and I made sure I was seated in the car and pretending to be on the phone so the Evil Witch couldn't find an excuse to talk to me. Mina was glad to see us, and as soon as she hopped in the car, we peeled away from the house and hurried home.

Poor Sean cried all the way home, as he was hungry and wanted to be fed. As soon as we arrived home, Sean and I sat down to a feed while Jonathan and Mina got changed and sat down to play.

We had a number of choices for dinner, which we presented to Mina, and she chose the chicken sausages with roasted garlic and cheese. Divine!!! Mina loved the sausages too, which was terrific as we were now able to add these to the ever growing menu of foods we could have with Mina.

Sean woke just as we were finished with dinner, and after a good feed, Jonathan and Mina gave Sean a bath. Mina wanted to read Sean a bedtime story, and chose Harold & The Purple Crayon to read to Sean. Mina's reading skills had improved by leaps and bounds, and although she still needed help on the odd word here and there, she all but read the whole book aloud to Sean by herself.

At the end of the story, Sean went to bed, as did Mina who had a couple more stories read to her by Jonathan. Mina was a bit unsettled after story time, and fussed and fidgeted for some time, but eventually, she fell asleep around 9pm. Meanwhile, young Master Sean had quite a few issues going to sleep. A lot of patting and shushing ensued before he finally fell asleep around 9.30pm.

After such a long and busy day, we are about to head to bed too. Here's hoping for a good night of sleep by one and all!

Being Momma G: Day 77

Homeward bound. And armed with a bag of tricks that were slightly different from the ones we already had to better help Sean settle to sleep, and resettle to sleep.

After being so fussy late yesterday afternoon and evening, I was kind of expecting Sean to have an unsettled night. Sean woke at midnight to have a feed, and at first, he was very unwilling to feed. Kathleen sat with me to try and help me get Sean to feed properly, and after watching for a short time, decided to call Heather for help. Heather was not just any nurse; she was also a lactation consultant, and she sat down to see what the story was. Heather wanted to see if my milk flow was good, and she barely touched my boob to see a spray of milk shoot out of my nipple. Heather tried the other boob, and the same thing happened. Heather was most impressed with my milk flow, but suggested perhaps that Sean may not appreciate the super fast flow when he first latched on. She suggested that I expressed some milk into a cup or bottle before putting Sean on the breast, so that the flow would be slower and he may then feed better.

Under Heather and Kathleen's watchful eyes, we had a relatively good feed. Heather told me that she felt Sean was a very efficient feeder, and even though he had been fussy during feeds, he was still gaining weight at a good pace, so he must be getting enough milk. Perhaps, at times, 10 minutes was all that Sean needed to drain the milk from my boob, so I should really stop timing how long Sean was on each boob and start feeling my boobs to see if they were soft and supple and therefore drained at the end of each feed.

Kathleen offered to take Sean again after he was finished. I accepted and went back to sleep. Sean woke again at 4am, and we had another fairly good feed. I put Sean back into the cot in our room and went back to sleep. Sean woke just after 6.30am, and it took me 10 minutes to resettle him. I felt he needed a bit more sleep, and I wanted a tinge more myself. Thankfully, Sean resettled and slept until 8.30am when we got up for our final feed at Tresillian.

Michelle and I both fed our babies at the same time on the couch in the nursery. Sean was quite fussy, while Zack was good to start with but became fussy when he saw Sean was being a wriggler. Michelle was all packed and ready to go by the time we had both finished feeding - she had been up since 5.30am with Zack, and after the earlier feed, Zack went back to sleep, allowing Michelle to have a shower and get her things in order. Michelle had taken a bunch of photos of Sean late yesterday afternoon, so I gave her our contact details so we could stay in touch, and so she could mail a CD of photos to us.

After Sean was fed and playing happily on the floor, I asked Jennifer the nurse to look after him while I had a quick shower. Jonathan arrived while I was just finishing, so he took over looking after Sean while Jennifer went up to a meeting. I hurriedly finished packing, as we were the last to leave and the hospital manager was hovering over us, waiting for us to exit the hospital.

When I had called my parents yesterday during the measles vaccination panic, I had arranged to have lunch with them today, but at the time we left Tresillian, it was far too early to head to Chatswood to wait for lunch. Sean was happy enough to be in the car capsule, so we swung by Lane Cove to see our darling friend Sveta, to sign necessary paperwork to officially engage her as our conveyancer for the sale of the St Leonards apartment.

Sean was asleep by the time we pulled up in the car park, so we left him in the capsule and carried it up to Sveta's office. Sveta was happy to see us and thrilled to meet the little one. We talked for a bit and Sveta took me through all the processes and procedures, explaining everything in detail before I signed on the dotted line. It was good to catch up with Sveta, and hoped we would catch up again with her husband Stuart and their kids Sofia and Brian.

Sean was still asleep when we left Sveta's office, and we continued on to Chatswood, as we were now much closer to lunch time for everyone, especially Sean. We arrived in Chatswood and immediately went to the Parents Room, where I gave Sean his lunch so we could enjoy ours in peace later. It was not a good feed, but Sean at least got some milk into him. He behaved perfectly through lunch, which meant Jonathan and I could talk to Dad and Mum without having to tend to a screaming baby. We told them all about our week at Tresillian and how Sean had progressed through the week. It was nice to have yum cha for lunch.

We took a side trip to the supermarket after lunch to pick up a few groceries before heading home. Once we got home, we put Sean to bed - in his own cot, in his own room - and amazingly, Sean went to sleep. And stayed asleep for over 2 hours!

Sean was a hungry hungry boy by the time he woke up around 4.30pm, and he had a very good feed before enjoying a bit of play time at home. We pulled out a number of toys to entice him with, and Sean had fun kicking at the mobiles hanging off the jungle gym. A short time later, Sean was ready for bed again, so we popped him back in his cot and let him drift off to dream land.

I caught up on a few things while Sean was asleep, such as email and Facebook. The St Leonards apartment was having its first open house inspection tomorrow, so we went in search of the listing online, and here it is! We hoped there would be plenty of interest at the open house tomorrow.

Dinner time came and went, and Sean was still asleep. Amazingly, the little guy finally woke just before 8.30pm, and drank ferociously. Jonathan gave Sean a bath for the first time this week, and they enjoyed rebonding over bath time. Afterwards, Sean nibbled at the top up and only took 10mL - he must have had a good feed earlier!

We're home. We're home! I get to sleep in my own bed tonight, next to my darling husband, who I've missed so much. We hope Sean will continue to improve after our week at Tresillian. In the meantime, I have some cuddles to collect from Jonathan. Good night!

Being Momma G: Day 76

Happy birthday to Kyung! Our darling friend and soon to be Godmother of Sean has a birthday today - we wish her many happy returns.

Happy St Patrick's Day too! As we are now Irish - well, Jonathan and Sean are, and I'm married to an Irishman, which makes me Irish by association - we are finally able to call this day "ours". If only Tresillian served Guinness with dinner. Or Guinness for dinner. Hmm, I wonder if the chef will make Guinness Pie ... not likely, but one can dream.

Day 4 at Tresillian, and the little man was slowly but surely improving.

I tossed and turned a bit last night after I was sent to bed by the nurse, thinking about my maternity leave and the fast approaching return to work date, being 1 August. Well before Sean was born, I had to make arrangements with work in relation to maternity leave, and at the time, I thought I could go back to work by the time Sean was 7 months old. I had done the math so I would be paid for the entire time I was off work, and I was happy to return to work in August. When the paperwork was finalised, I was happy with the arrangements and looked forward to getting back to work.

In light of everything that'd happened, with Sean being as unsettled as he had been with both the sleeping and the feeding, and with his skin condition causing so much stress, I wondered if I was putting too much pressure on us so I could return to work in August.

I couldn't help but think that we had wound up at Tresillian because I failed. Somewhere along the way, I became a failure. In so many ways, I couldn't cope with failing to make Sean behave like the perfect baby and sleep well and eat well, just so we could be in a good routine by the time I had to go back to work. I felt like a failure because I couldn't make my baby sleep when he should be sleeping, and feed when he should be feeding and as he should feed. I was putting so much undue pressure on Sean to do certain things, and putting undue pressure on me to help him do certain things. And because Sean was not feeding nor sleeping well, and he was already close to 3 months, I started panicking that I wouldn't be able to get Sean into a routine by August, which was only 4 months away. And really, for anyone who'd ever nursed a baby, you'd know that babies will do what babies will do, and no one could make them do what they wanted the baby to do - the baby would do things when they were good and ready. And right now, Sean just wasn't entirely ready to sleep through the night, and feed every 4 or more hours.

I began to wonder if I should take more time to spend at home with Sean, and did a bit more math in my head. If Jonathan and I were really careful with our money, and having qualified for the Federal Government's Paid Parental Leave scheme which would see us receive a bit of extra money that would help ease the financial worries, it was possible that I could take another 4 months of maternity leave, and go back to work in January next year.

I thought it about it long and hard, and realised that I really didn't want to miss Sean's milestones, like his first word, nor his first crawl, nor his first step, which could happen while he was day care and I was at work. These magical milestones will happen only once, and once I miss them, they are gone forever.

And I also felt that Sean would benefit from having me at home with him for a bit longer. As much as I missed working and having adult conversations with my work colleagues on a daily basis, I could still get the adult conversation fix by taking Sean on daily outings to the shops, or to have lunch with Dad and Mum, or to meet the ladies from Mothers Group.

And most importantly, my focus had shifted since Sean was born. I had worked so much for so long that during the maternity leave discussions before Sean was born, all I could think about was going back to work and how soon I could return. Now that Sean was here, a real life baby who was totally dependent on me, I realised that my focus is on him. Work is work - it's a job that pays me a salary. My career aspirations had dimmed in comparison to my new role as a mother. My baby is my life, and since I was 15, all I had ever wanted was to be a mum, and now that I was finally a mum, I had a new career - as Sean's mum, and I really wanted to work hard on this new career.

Of course, when I was tossing and turning in bed, my thoughts weren't as neatly laid out as the above. But those thoughts were there, and I knew I needed to speak to Jonathan to get the thoughts less jumbled and more coherent.

I was feeling a little bit anxious about speaking with Jonathan about extending my maternity leave. I wondered how Jonathan would react to my musings. It took me a long time to fall asleep, so I was grateful to Sean for not waking until 3.45am.

We had a great feed, but the little man needed a change afterwards, so Jacqui and I tended to the task before she took Sean back to the nursery to settle to sleep. I climbed back into bed and tried to sleep some more, still fretting a little about what I was going to say to Jonathan.

Sean woke at 7.30am for his next feed, and we fed in our room before we went out back to the nursery for some play time. Sean was in a great mood, but did not manage to stay awake until Jonathan arrived. Sean was well and truly asleep by the time Jonathan arrived.

Jonathan and I went up to the dining room to grab some breakfast, and we had a good long chat about what had been on my mind. I had hoped Jonathan would be supportive and sympathetic, which I got plus more.

Jonathan was more than happy for me to take more time off work to look after Sean and spend more precious time with him. One thing Jonathan raised with me was whether I would be fine with being at home for another 4 months, and if I would go stir crazy not having adult company for a longer period of time than originally planned. As I had been so focussed on my career up until Sean came along, Jonathan asked me if I would be satisfied with taking a year off work, which may lead to a lag in progressing my professional development at work. I told him I thought being a good mother to Sean (and any future children, if we should so be blessed) was now a far more important focus for me. Jonathan was extremely supportive and understanding of my desire, and completely supported the idea of extending my maternity leave.

The next step would be for me to contact work once we were home from Tresillian. Here's hoping work will be just as understanding and supportive as Jonathan!

We went back to the nursery after breakfast and had some cuddles. We'd missed each other quite a lot over the last few days, and it was nice to sit in each other's arms for some quiet cuddles. This was the third lengthy period of time we'd been away from each other since we began dating - the first being Jonathan and Mina's trip to New Zealand in October last year, when I was too pregnant to travel, and the second being the week Sean and I were in hospital after I gave birth. Yes, I know, I'm a sook; so is Jonathan. We're just as bad as each other.

On our return to the nursery, we were greeted with the news that Katrina and her baby Rhys were leaving Tresillian. Rhys had becoming ill overnight, and while Rhys' diarrhea could have been attributed to Rhys being weened off breast milk and Katrina switching the brand of formula, Katrina decided to err on the side of caution and asked to be discharged early. And then there were 2 babies and their worried mums.

Soon after Katrina and Rhys left, the nurses came and told us that one of the babies staying at Tresillian was suffering from a suspected case of measles, and that the ill baby had gone home. We'd seen the nurses running around all morning, speaking in hushed tones and closing the office door to have more meetings than we'd seen them hold in the whole week combined. We had wondered what was going on, and now we knew. We were asked if we'd been immunised against measles, and if we'd had our booster shots, as there was a chance that we may have been infected. The sick baby was not Rhys, but we weren't told who the sick baby was and in which unit the baby had been staying. Michelle and I sprang into action, with me calling Dad and Mum and asking them about my immunisation records and what needles I'd had at what age. We were all fairly sure that I was immunised against measles, so while I was worried, I wasn't too panicked. Dad and Mum however were concerned and turned their place upside down to find my immunisation records. As Michelle worked in the health service, she was almost certain she had had her booster shots.

Sean woke after a fairly decent sleep, and had a little bit of up time before his feed. Sean was still a bit fussy, but he could have been worse. Jonathan enjoyed a fair bit of play time with Sean before we put him down for another sleep, by which time lunch was served.

I had lined up a massage for 1pm, which I was really looking forward to. Everything was tracking along smoothly, with Sean fed and not due for another feed until 2pm, and now fast asleep, and I was going to be finished with lunch by 1pm. The day had pretty much geared itself around this massage appointment, which was great.

I guess no one told the massage therapist about the plans. By the time she finally showed up, it was 1.30pm. She wasn't set up nor ready for me, so I had to wait another 10 minutes. By the time we finally started, it was almost 2pm. I was stressed as I knew Sean would wake up soon, and my boobs were getting more and more full by the minute, which were hurting as I laid on my front on the massage table. I became even more stressed when there came a knock on the door, from on the nurses, telling the massage therapist to hurry up with the session as Sean was screaming down the house. My massage ended up being cut short, and I was still charged the full amount. I made a mental note to write a complaint about my experience.

I hurried back to our room to feed Sean the moment the massage was over. Poor little man was beside himself with hunger, but thankfully Jonathan was there to comfort him. As Sean was super hungry, we had a pretty good feed, and a long play time before it was time for bed. Jonathan left to return home for work before Sean was put to bed, and we got some photos of all of us in our green gear to commemorate our first St Patrick's Day as Irishmen. Sleep eluded Sean, for it took the little man half an hour to finally fall asleep. And he stayed down for only an hour before waking up and wanting to be fed again.

Of course, this would be a fussy feed, and the little man fed very poorly, and it took a lot of effort to get Sean back to sleep again. Dinner was well and truly served and waiting on the tables in the dining room by the time I finally settled the little man, and I wolfed it down before hurrying back, just in case he was to wake and not resettle.

Sean managed just under an hour for this sleep, and flatly refused to resettle. He screamed his high pitched scream and would not stop, even when he was being held and cuddled. After 15 minutes of screaming, the nurses relented and allowed me to try feeding Sean to see if he would calm down. The last feed was only 2 hours prior, so I didn't know whether Sean would feed well or if he would settle down after a feed.

This was one of the worst feeds for the whole week. Sean only managed 5 minutes on each side, and continued to be crying and awful. Since he was clearly not interested in feeding, I gave him a bath, and tried my best to tire him out with a long slow massage. The little guy enjoyed all of this and became a lot calmer. I tried to breast feed Sean again, but he only managed 10 minutes on one side. At this point, the only option was to see if he would take the formula - I was totally over trying to stuff my nipples into the little man's mouth. Sean took 50mL of formula, which was better than I'd expected.

Kathleen the night nurse has again offered to take Sean for the night, so I could sneak in one last night of sleep. I've gladly accepted and am going to head off to bed. I really should pack our bags, but I'll leave that till the morning. We go home tomorrow!

By the way, the baby who went home sick did not have the measles. Crisis over.

Being Momma G: Day 75

Day 3 at Tresillian, and Sean was starting to show signs of improvement.

Overnight, the little man woke at 10.45pm, just as I was in the middle of a strange dream. Grateful to be woken, I fed the fussy little man, who was slightly less fussy, and gave him a top up of 60mL of formula. The top up worked a treat, as he stayed asleep until 3.30am. The nurses continued to look after Sean, who slept like a champion back in the nursery. The next feed at 6am was even better, with Sean not fussy at all. This made me happy, and gave me hope that the feeding would return to normal.

When the nurses brought Sean to me for the 6am feed, I decided that Sean would go back into his own cot in our room after the feed. Sean had no trouble falling asleep after the feed, so I climbed back into bed and got a little more sleep myself. I had had nightmares pretty much all night, with many different people in my life all yelling at me and telling I was "doing it wrong". Every person I encountered in the nightmares said it - and that was all they would say to me as well. I'd ask someone how to do it right, and they would just repeat "you're doing it wrong".

I was showered and dressed by the time Sean woke just before 9am for his next feed. It was a really long feed for Sean - he took nearly an hour to have this meal, which was good. Of course, this was the feed that Juliette chose to observe, and I told her about my nightmares. She told me I was doing a great job and that I really should give myself more credit. Nevertheless, Juliette was worried that I was having these nightmares, and told me to talk to the psychologist with whom I had an appointment later today.

Jonathan arrived when we were about half way through the feed, and had some lovely play time with Sean before we returned him to bed just before 10.30am. The little guy must have been so excited about seeing Daddy, for he wanted to continue playing with Daddy and slept for only 50 minutes. No amount of patting and shushing could get Sean back to sleep, so we brought him out to the pram and rocked him for a while. Finally, after 45 minutes of shushing and rocking the pram, Sean dozed off.

As it was lunch time, we headed up to the dining room and collected our lunches, which we brought back to the nursery. I ate as fast as I could, because I knew Sean could wake any moment, and I also had an appointment with the psychologist on staff for our counselling session at 1.30pm. Sure enough, Sean woke at 1pm and fed really poorly, so I ended up taking him to the counselling session to continue feeding.

The psychologist, Radmilla was lovely. She also ran yesterday's group discussion, and I found her very approachable and personable. We had a long long long chat about things, about how I was feeling, and how I was handling things at home. Along the way, we talked about some of the things in my past that have bubbled to the surface over the last few days, and Radmilla wanted to know how I was dealing with these issues. I told her I had reconciled with my past, and that I now had a future to look forward to.

The session was useful, and I felt quite good about getting a few things off my chest, and to discuss a few other things at length with someone who was an outsider. I went back to the nursery and to my husband and son feeling somewhat cleansed.

Our little man had some trouble sleeping while I was away, and only managed to sleep an hour in the end. It was far too early to get him out of bed, and as he needed more "down time", I transferred him into the pram and rocked him for the next hour, before Sean was fed again.

I had no idea why it was so hard for Sean to get to sleep and stay asleep. After a long play time, Sean fell asleep right on 6pm - dinner time. I raced up to the dining room and hoovered down my dinner, only to return to a screaming baby who did his best to scream down the house. As he wasn't due another feed for some time, I did my best to settle the baby, with limited success.

Finally, it was time to feed the little guy, and he was fussy fussy fussy! After struggling with him for 15 minutes, I decided to give him a bath and try my luck after the bath and moisturiser routine. It worked a treat and when Sean was returned to the boob, he did his best to drain both breasts as best as he could. He even took a small amount of formula top up.

Again, the nurses have offered to take Sean tonight. Thank goodness for the lovely Jacqui. I've been sent to bed, so I'm going to go. Come on, little man. Work some magic and show us what you are capable of - good sleeping and good eating!

Being Momma G: Day 74

While Tresillian was never suppose to be a miracle cure, I had hoped Sean would be better today. However, Sean had other ideas.

After handing him off to the nurses last night, I had hoped for some sleep. After only an hour, I could hear Sean crying from the nursery. Being the bad mummy, I stayed in my room and let the nurses take care of him. Sean kept crying and crying and crying, and after 20 minutes, guilt got the better of me and I went to see how the nurses were holding up trying to settle our little grizzly bear.

Jennifer, the nurse who had been trying to settle Sean, looked quite frustrated, so I apologised for Sean's behaviour and asked if I could help. Meanwhile, one of the other mothers Ginny said she found the unit to be too noisy for her little girl Ari, who was constantly crying and not able to sleep. Ginny took Ari back into their room to try and settle her in a quieter environment. I felt a twinge of guilt that our monster was the cause of much of the noise.

Another nurse, Heather took over trying to settle Sean, and she sent me to bed for the 40 minutes leading up to Sean's next feed. I obeyed, and the 40 minutes flew by. Sean was returned to my arms in what felt like 5 minutes.

Sean fed relatively well, and even had a small top up after the feed. It was midnight by the time we were done, and I again returned Sean to the nursery and headed back to bed. It took no time at all for me to fall asleep. Sean, however, took 45 minutes to settle, but once he went to sleep, he didn't wake up again until nearly 4.30am.

Kathleen the night nurse brought Sean to me and we had a pretty good feed, sitting up in the chair in our room. No more feeding lying down in bed for us! It took an hour for us to complete the feeding, and afterwards, I popped Sean into the cot in our room and went straight back to bed. Sean didn't need any help to settle and we both slept until just after 8am.

I felt quite refreshed after getting a total of 7.5 hours of sleep, albeit broken in the middle by a feed.

Sean was a bit fussier for the 8am feed, but he was good natured and smiled and wasn't grizzly. After the feed, we were visited by Tresillian's paediatrician who gave Sean a thorough check up. Juliette was with the doctor and confirmed to us that the hospital was not allowed to give Sean his daily dosage of Losec due to the missing label on the medicine bottle. The doctor noted that Sean had been on Losec for 6 weeks, and supported Jonathan and my decision to stop the Losec slightly earlier than prescribed by our paediatrician Dr Arnold. Nevertheless, if Sean showed a rapid decline, then the doctor wrote a prescription for us to fill while we were at Tresillian.

Once the doctor was happy, Sean and I went to the nursery to enjoy some play time on the floor, with Sean kicking at the Sesame Street characters hanging from the mobile. Jonathan arrived at 9.30am, just as Sean was getting tired, so he missed out on long cuddles with the baby. We wrapped the little man, popped him down in the cot and within 5 minutes, Sean was asleep.

I took the opportunity to have breakfast before Jonathan and I headed upstairs to the Parents Group Session. All other parents were there as well, and the session was convened by the psychologist on staff. We were all given the opportunity to share our expectations of our lives post baby and how that differed from real life, now that we'd had the baby. We were also asked to rate our energy levels, and share how we were feeling in general.

My expectations of my life post baby was vastly different to reality. Before Sean joined us, I thought life would be a lot easier than it had been, because I never expected to have a baby who was as unsettled as Sean had been, and I thought I would be able to deal with and adapt to parenthood a lot more easily. I knew my life would change somewhat, but not to the extent that it had been. For some reason, I thought our baby would be better behaved. The Sean I'd expected to meet would feed well, and sleep well, and yes, I knew there would be feeds in the middle of the night, but I also thought he would be able to tell the difference between day and night, so that we'd play during the day and sleep when it was night. Instead, for the first 8 weeks of his life, he wanted to party at night and sleep during the day. I had no problem with him sleeping during the day, but for crying out loud, why didn't he want to sleep at night???

I didn't expect to feel so drained both physically and emotionally, or feel so out of control and out of my depth, even on the good days. The lack of sleep made me teary all the time, and then there were those days when I would get nothing done and would find myself sitting on the bed, holding a screaming baby, and crying because I didn't know how to make the baby stop crying.

I also didn't expect our baby to have such sensitive skin, and certainly didn't envision the horrible skin breakouts we'd experienced with Sean - the horrendous spots all over his head and face, the rashes that covered his arms and shoulders, the broken skin in the folds of his neck that won't heal and became infected because the area was always a bit wet and weepy, the crusty scabs that covered his ears inside and out. The skin conditions all but pushed me over the edge - I felt like I had poisoned my baby, and it was somehow my fault that my baby's skin was so horrible. Everyone else's babies had perfect skin, but my baby was having all sorts of issues with his, so it must be me who was doing something wrong. It certainly didn't help that one of the nurses at the West Ryde ECHC made me feel like a total failure when she saw the rashes and told me they weren't normal, and that I should have taken Sean to see a doctor sooner.

For me, being accepted into the Tresillian program was both a blessing and a burden. It was a blessing because so many people had told us how great the program was and how effective it had been for their children, but it was also a burden, insofar as I finally admitted I couldn't cope. Before the baby was born, I was so sure that I would be able to cope with anything and everything that I even told work to call me whenever they wanted to pick my brains over any queries they had with what use to be my duties. My life before Sean was always busy, but always organised. Juggling commitments was easy. Life was organised chaos. Since Sean's arrival, life had been just chaos. My organised life was now seemingly a mess, , and I felt a complete loss of control, which was very unsettling for me. I became impatient, and wanted my life to return to the way it was, with structure and organisation, so when the baby had other ideas, I became even more impatient. Coupled with fatigue, I felt like everything was spiralling out of control.

In spite of how I felt, I was extremely lucky to have Jonathan, who was my rock and my head cheerleader. Jonathan is a completely hand-on father, changing nappies, bathing the little guy, playing with him, talking to him. Jonathan would get up in the middle of the night to tend to Sean, or to bring Sean to me for those dream feeds. Often, he'd stay up with me to make sure I didn't fall asleep while feeding Sean. Earlier today, the doctor had asked me a question about Jonathan, whether Jonathan was a good father or a sperm donor. There was no way in the world that I would ever call Jonathan a sperm donor!!!

My energy levels were about a 5 to 6 out of 10. I now felt tired more easily, and more than anything else, I missed my sleep. Having spent 10 weeks with our little guy, I was feeling more and more confident by the day about my ability to look after him, although I welcomed any and all helpful tips to get the baby to sleep, stay asleep, and feed properly.

The session went for about 90 minutes and I found it quite good and positive to know that there were others who felt the same way about a lot of baby related things to me. By the time we arrived back at our room, it was well past Sean's feeding time. The nurses told us that Sean slept for an hour before waking up, and it took almost an hour to resettle him. Sean only slept for a short period of time before waking up again and needing to be resettled again. The only way the nurses could settle Sean was by putting him in their pram and rocking him back and forth over a ridge in the floor in the nursery.

Sean was asleep when we came back from the group session, and as it was lunch time, we went up to the dining room to get my lunch. Jonathan had a few errands to run, so he bade us farewell for the day.

I brought my lunch back down to the nursery, and just as I started to eat, I saw Sean moving around in the pram. Sean seemed happy enough to lay in the pram while I hoovered down the sandwiches, and after I was done, I gave Sean his lunch. Again, Sean was really fussy during the feed, and after a bit of play time, Sean went back to bed for another snooze. Sean took a bit longer to settle this time, but he did go down for a sleep.

Unfortunately, it was only for an hour, again. Sean woke up screaming, and after nearly 30 minutes of patting and shushing by both me and one of the nurses, we brought him out to the nursery and put him in the pram to rock him to sleep. 40 minutes of rocking later, Sean was still wide awake, and it was time to feed him again.

Sean was even worse during this feed. He fussed and fought against the first boob, and totally refused the second. For some reason though, the little guy was still good humoured, and played with me on the floor for a while, before going for another sleep. And again, Sean only managed an hour of shut eye before waking again.

The nurses took pity on me and tried to settle Sean themselves. They sent me up to the dining room to get my dinner, and I sat there and ate as fast as I could before returning to the nursery. Sean was still awake, and it was now time for another feed.

As I was heading to collect Sean for the feed, Ginny stopped me in the corridor and told me she was going home. Her little girl Ari was not sleeping at all, because the unit was too noisy, and Ginny felt Ari had not improved at all since they arrived - in fact, Ginny thought Ari had gone backwards, and Ginny felt that it would be better if they were to go home. It made me wonder if Sean was showing any signs of improvement, and whether Sean and I should pack it in and go home ourselves.

Sean was again fussy during the feed, and even after a lengthy play time, did not show any signs of wanting to sleep. In keeping with the routine Jonathan and I had set prior to coming to Tresillian, I gave Sean a bath and a good long massage with the moisturiser afterwards. Sean was still wide awake and refusing to sleep, and no matter how many times we put him down in the cot, he screamed and cried and plainly refused to sleep. We tried to give Sean a top up on the breast, and he seemed interested for a few minutes before stopping and refusing any more. At this time, Pam the head night nurse offered to take Sean for the night, so I could get some more sleep. I gladly accepted.

Jonathan and I texted each other, discussing whether I should leave Tresillian like Ginny, or stick it out for another day. Jonathan was supportive of whichever way I chose, and I decided to persevere for another day. After the long hard day, I was quite tired and emotional, and I got a bit teary, because I was also missing Jonathan like mad.

With Sean being looked after by the nurses, I am in bed and wishing Jonathan was here to give me a cuddle. In any case, I should get some sleep. Who knows what time the little man will wake up?