Being Momma G: Day 38

I woke with a start, to Jonathan shouting at the baby after the baby refused to settle down.

After Jonathan sent me to bed last night, he tried valiantly to settle Sean on his own. After nearly an hour of trying every settling technique under the sun, Sean was still awake and crying and screaming his head off. Nothing worked. Absolutely nothing. Poor Jonathan was beyond tired and way way way beyond frustrated, and with literally zero patience left in him, he shouted at the baby. I heard the shout for help, jumped out of bed, and took over.

Jonathan had made up a bottle of formula as a last resort to settle Sean, so after I took over from Jonathan, I fed Sean the bottle and tried to settle the little man. We stayed in the lounge room to allow Jonathan some peace and quiet, and Sean and I ended up falling asleep on the couch together. The little man just would not let me put him in the bassinet - I'd settle him, put him in the bassinet, and he'd stay asleep for 10 minutes before waking up again. The only option in the end was to let Sean sleep in my arms or on my chest, and when he got too heavy, I laid on the edge of the couch and put Sean between the back of the couch and me. Sean seemed perfectly happy there for hours, and actually slept.

Sean woke at 4.30am for a feed, and we fed in the lounge room before I settled him in the bassinet, enough to stay asleep for a little while, and took him through to the bedroom again. Jonathan woke as we were changing the nappy mid-feed, and asked if everything was OK. When Jonathan woke, he realised neither of us had been in the bedroom all night, and wanted to know where we'd been. I think Jonathan was a little upset that we stayed in the lounge room, but at the same time he was grateful we did so he could rest.

Sean only stayed asleep for 30 minutes after the feed, and when he woke at 6am, I didn't have any milk to give him. Jonathan was getting up for work shortly, so he got out of bed and made up a bottle of formula for Sean, and fed him before getting ready for work. Sean was still unsettled, and while Jonathan was in the shower, I brought Sean into bed with me. Sean finally fell asleep once in the big bed, so I slept with him until he woke at 9am wanting breakfast.

After the feed, I needed to get ready so we could head out to Macquarie Centre for our passport interview. Sean was very unsettled, and as he was crying whether I held him or not, I left him in his bassinet while I had a shower. By the time we left the house, Sean was worn out from all the crying and from all the night time shenanigans and was asleep for our trip to the shops.

Of course, as you are all well aware, Sean has impeccable timing and he woke up just as we were starting the passport interview at the Post Office. Sean cried during the entire interview, and then cried some more while we were at Macquarie Centre - I needed to get a few more items that I didn't get while we were out on the weekend, and with a crying baby, I went about my business as quickly as I could so we could come home and Sean could have a feed.

Margot from Camellia Care Cottage was due to visit us today at 2pm, and our performing monkey was on his best behaviour by the time Margot arrived. Margot was paying her 2nd home visit to us to help me and teach me how to settle Sean. Sean gave the performance of his life by being totally settled and asleep, and Margot literally had nothing to do while she was at the house. She stayed so we could have a chat - I told her that Sean had an unsettled night, and we talked about a bunch of other stuff. Margot offered to stay with me until 4pm, so I could finish my lunch and have a snooze, but as I'd had a can of Coke Zero and was wide awake, I declined Margot's offer. Little did I realise how much I would learn to regret this decision.

Sean woke just before 5pm, had a feed, and stayed awake for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. Well, OK, so that's not exactly true - Sean would sleep for 10 minute bursts and then wake up and stay awake for 40 minutes, before settling for 10 more minutes. After the short nap, he'd wake up again and stay awake for the next 40 minutes. This went on for hours - through our dinner, through the next feed at 8.30pm, and all the way till now.

I am more zombie than human right now. Sean wants more milk, and it's just before 11.30pm, and I've had enough of his crying. I don't know how I'm going to survive the night. I hope I do, and I hope Sean does too, because right now, I feel like putting him out in the backyard and letting him play Baby Survivor. Bad mother to say that, but that's how I feel. The more Sean cries, the quicker my energy levels drop - it's like his crying is sapping me of my energy. Please, little man, please stop the crying - there can't be that much more crying left in your little body!