Being Momma G: Day 49

Another bad night. I don't know how many more of these I can handle.

After Jonathan took Sean to bed, I stayed up to have some "me time". I just needed to be by myself, and not be looking after a husband or a baby or both. I was over-exhausted anyway and couldn't sleep, so I played games on the computer and watched TV until around 1.30am.

Sean woke about half an hour after I went to bed. He was sleeping back in his bassinet last night, after spending 3 nights in bed with us, and he was sleeping relatively well by the time he was hungry at 2am. It was a bit of a struggle to get Sean to be awake enough to feed, but asleep enough to be resettled easily back in the bassinet after the feed. I tried to stay awake to feed Sean, but I found myself nodding off now and again. It felt like I was feeding for abut 3 hours, and in actual fact, Sean had been on one side for about an hour and then was on the other side for about 30 minutes. When I tried to move him back to the bassinet, Sean would be OK for about 10 minutes before he would become unsettled and wanted to be held. In the end, he came back into bed with me, which meant I was never really able to fall into a deep sleep for fear of rolling over on top of Sean and suffocating him.

Sean woke again just after 6am and again it felt like we fed for hours and hours and hours. Jonathan was already working by the time I started feeding Sean, and by 8am, I just didn't want to feed a sometimes fussy and sometimes sleeping baby who was either fighting the boob or totally asleep. I took Sean to Jonathan for cuddles while I went to the toilet and brushed my teeth, and felt totally shattered by the lack of sleep. Meanwhile, Jonathan changed Sean's nappy and put him in a clean baby suit and shared some cuddles in the study.

I desperately needed more sleep, and I tried to laid down in bed with Sean on my belly for a while. Sean was happy for a short time, and even when he started fussing and crying, I was too tired to do much by way of comforting him. Luckily, Jonathan had finished his morning shift by that time, and took Sean for a walk so I could have a little bit more sleep.

I managed to catch about 90 minutes of shut eye before I woke with a start. It was nearly 11am, and I had wanted to wake up and feed Sean at 10.30am. We'd arranged to have lunch with my parents at 12 noon, and I wanted Sean to be fed, us to be showered and dressed and ready to head out by 11.30am. Unfortunately, in his effort to ensure I got a bit more rest, Jonathan didn't come to wake me at 10.30am, and we were now running quite late.

According to Jonathan, when he came to see if I was ready to feed Sean at 10am, I'd asked to be left alone for another 30 minutes. I have no recollection of this.

While I fed Sean, Jonathan showered and shaved. By the time Sean was full, there was no time for me to have a shower, so I hurriedly got dressed and we raced out the door. We ended up being half an hour late to lunch, but thankfully, my parents were understanding - Sean is their 6th grandchild after all, so they are well used to my sisters being late with their kids.

We had a lovely meal, even though Sean cried almost the whole time. He had a short sleep for about 10 minutes, but he was quite vocal for the rest of the time. As Mum had a doctor's appointment at 1.30pm, and I had an appointment with Dr Lee, our lovely dentist at 2pm, lunch was a relatively quick affair.

Sean was quite hungry by the time we'd finished lunch, so we raced down to Dr Lee's surgery to find a parking spot. Once parked, I gave Sean a quick feed in the car, before ducking upstairs to have my teeth cleaned. We had to be quick, as we were also due to pick up Mina from school at 3pm. All week, I'd said to Jonathan that we would be cutting it fine, and all week, Jonathan was confident that we would make it on time to pick up Mina from school. After all the mess and grief from Mina's mother this week, the last thing I wanted was for her to have yet another thing to hold against us for being late to collect Mina.

And lo and behold, we were late. Dr Lee didn't finish what he needed to do, but had to let me go at 2.45pm so that we could make our way to Bankstown. I now have to make another appointment in a fortnight's time for Dr Lee to finish what he started. We then got stuck in traffic, so by the time we arrived at Mina's school, we were more than 30 minutes late.

Mina looked happy and excited to be spending the weekend with us, contrary to what her mother had been telling us earlier in the week. And guess what? German lessons may not be starting tomorrow, because the two-bit organisation that is running the lessons haven't yet confirmed a booking for a venue to hold the lessons. All that grief, and for what? Twat.

Sean was crying as we were heading to collect Mina, and by the time we left Mina's school, he was hysterically crying from hunger. For about 30 minutes, Sean screamed and screamed and screamed some more. His whole head was bright red from his screaming by the time we got home. The second we walked through the door, I took my shirt off and pushed a boob into Sean's mouth. He was much happier after that. After all that crying, Sean was completely worn out and fell asleep without too much of a fuss after the feed.

It was nearly 5pm by the time Sean was asleep, which meant I had to start preparing dinner for Jonathan, me and Mina. Jonathan had helped Mina to have a shower and wash her hair when I was feeding Sean, and with Jonathan having to return to work at 4.30pm, Mina was happily playing games on the computer next to Jonathan.

I'd promised Mina a potato bake to go with mini sausages and broccoli for dinner, and the potato bake turned out in sensational fashion. We all managed to enjoy and finish our dinners before Sean woke for his dinner, and while I fed Sean, Jonathan and Mina did their bedtime routine - stories and a short chat before lights out for Mina, who was happily asleep without any troubles at all within 10 minutes.

Sean, on the other hand, had a lot of trouble falling asleep, and once asleep, had a lot of trouble sleeping on his own. He wanted to be cuddled and I've now spent 2 hours patting and shushing him, only to have his eyes snap open within a minute of me putting him into his bassinet. Jonathan has now taken Sean into his arms to try and settle the little man, so I'm going to sign off and lay in bed next to my two most favourite people on earth and hope the big guy can work his magic on the little guy, so that we can all get some sleep tonight.