Being Momma G: Day 55

What started off as a promising day turned into a nightmare, but ended on a good note.

The little man slept well last night after the 11.30pm feed, and didn't wake until 4am for his next meal. Even though I was tired, I felt more inclined to feed him and play nice after a few hours of sleep. With both of us being as tired as we were, I fed Sean in our bed and he ended up staying in the bed with us after the feed, as I was too tired to lift and carry him back to the bassinet. There was no point in risking the chance that I might trip and drop the baby. It was kind of cute to have the little guy snuggle up next to me though.

Sean woke again just before 7am for his next feed and was a bit unsettled afterwards. He fed and then was happy to sleep for 30 minutes, but after he woke, he would only resettle if he was picked up and patted and shushed, which I did. Sean slept for another 30 minutes before wanting another feed at around 9.30am, which was good timing as we had a doctors appointment at 10am.

In the periods of time when Sean was asleep, I managed to shower and wash my hair, make the bed, put on a load of laundry and cook my breakfast. Note I said I cooked my breakfast, not ate my breakfast. Just as I was plating up my super quick omelette, Sean woke up, and no amount of shushing would get him to go back to sleep, so I left him in the bassinet to cry himself out a bit. This was the first of a few times today that I would leave him to cry in the bassinet.

We got to the surgery on time, and Dr Siva saw us straight away. Dr Siva asked if things were improving, and I burst into tears. We just can't seem to catch a break at the moment - there were new spots on Sean's head, and all the spots looked angrier and uglier than before. They were these awful pimples with white puss in each of them, and I just wished I had a vacuum that could suck all the puss out of all the pimples and leave my son's head and face nice and baby soft and smooth.

I told Dr Siva about Sean being more and more fussy, and wanting to feed every 2 hours, and how I just was feeling very overwhelmed by the constant feeding and caring for a fussy baby. Dr Siva was a bit worried about me, and said that I really should consider calling my mother and asking for help. I was still reluctant to go with that option, as Mum might say "OK, happy to help, bring the baby over", but what I really needed was help in my house, not take the baby somewhere else. I needed help to settle the baby in the house that he lived in, and I wasn't sure Mum would be happy to come over.

I also told Dr Siva that I felt like I was failing Sean, in that I didn't get his pimply spots seen to or treated earlier, and that I was feeling so overwhelmed by the increased frequency in feeding. Dr Siva assured me that I was doing a good job, that people have fussy babies all the time, and unfortunately, ours was a fussy baby, but hopefully, he will soon grow out of the fussy stage and get back on track. I really need Sean to be back on track soon - I am so exhausted right now.

We have an appointment to see Dr Arnold, Sean's paediatrician next Monday, and Dr Siva was pleased to hear that. She was happy with the antibiotics she'd prescribed Sean and asked me to continue the course for now. She also prescribed a medicated gel for the areas on Sean's head where the pimply spots had become infected and crusty, and asked me to get some sort of oil to rub on Sean's head to help ease the heat that may be causing the pimples to appear.

We made an appointment to see Dr Siva again next Thursday, and with that, we left to come home.

Sean was ready to have a sleep when we came home, and he did for a little while. He woke just after midday and had some lunch, but afterwards, he flatly refused to sleep. No amount of patting and shushing and swaying could get him to settle down and sleep. Sean cried and cried and cried, and struggled to be free of the swaddling. At one stage, I left him in the bassinet screaming his head off and walked away. I just couldn't be near the screaming, and took some time out to go to the kitchen to get a drink of water. I left Sean crying for about 5 minutes, and by the time I returned to the bedroom, Sean was almost limp from all the crying.

Almost as soon as I picked him up to comfort him, Sean started struggling against me again. The muslin cloth I'd used to swaddle him was proving to be useless, so I wrapped Sean up in the Miracle Blanket, which we only normally use at night, and tried to settle him again. After almost 90 minutes, Sean finally settled down and went to sleep at 1.50pm.

Either the Miracle Blanket provided comfort for Sean, or he was just exhausted from all the crying, the little man stayed asleep until just after 4pm when he woke for a feed. When Sean didn't wake at 3pm for a feed, I had to go and check on him to make sure Sean was still breathing. He was - he was just having a lovely sleep was all. After the feed, I wrapped Sean up in the Miracle Blanket again, and Sean fell asleep within 10 minutes.

Jonathan arrived home shortly after Sean fell asleep, and asked if we were still heading out to the shops for grocery shopping and dinner. As Sean had just fallen asleep, I was reluctant to wake him, so we stayed at home until 6.30pm, allowing Sean nearly 90 minutes of sleep.

Sean was well behaved when we got to the shops. Jonathan had Sean in the Minimonkey sling and Sean alternated from napping to looking adoringly at Daddy from the sling. We were able to have dinner in relative peace and quiet. After dinner, we got on with our grocery shopping, as it was getting late and Sean was getting hungrier by the minute.

By the time we paid for our groceries, it was just past 9pm, quite some time after Sean was due a feed. Sean was great though - he only started acting up as we neared home, by which time I had 2 very full boobs to empty into Sean's stomach.

Jonathan and Sean shared some father and son cuddles after the feed, before Jonathan put Sean to bed. Jonathan has now gone to bed himself, as should I. So glad tomorrow is Friday - one more day on my own and then I'll have Jonathan at home for the next 9 days to help during the day. Please, Sean, please let's have a good night tonight. Mummy really needs some sleep in order to be able to function and look after you properly!