Being Momma G: Day 45

Happy Valentine's Day!

Last night was another awful awful night. I think I managed about 90 minutes of sleep in total.

Sean woke for a feed at 10.40pm but didn't feed very well. It took him quite a while to settle down, and after what seemed like a short nap, Sean woke at 1.30am and fed for 45 minutes, before taking ages to settle down for another short nap. Sean woke again at 3.30am and fed for 40 minutes. Same as before - took ages to settle, and woke again at 5.30am and fed for 30 minutes. By the time Sean cried to be fed at 8.15am, I was totally drained in every sense of the word.

Because he was so unsettled and constantly wanting to be fed, Sean slept in our bed with us for most of the night. By morning, the incessant crying had made Sean hoarse, and it sounded like he had a blocked nose as well. Sean was also bringing up milk after each feed, something that had happened only once before.

We were all so tired by sunrise. Jonathan was scheduled to work from home this week, working from 6.30am to 9am, and then again from 4.30pm to 11pm. Shortly after the 5.30am feed finished, Jonathan got out of bed and had to start work. I wondered how I was going to get through the day with the tiny amount of sleep.

As if we didn't have enough to deal with, Mina's mother was causing problems and grief, where there really wasn't a need. Without consulting Jonathan, Mina's mother enrolled Mina into German lessons that were being held every Saturday morning. Mina's mother, as per usual, told Jonathan after everything and everyone was committed. As the lessons were on a Saturday morning, Mina's mother wanted Mina to forego all Friday night sleepovers so "Mina would be well rested and prepared for German lessons". Effectively, this would cut Mina's sleepovers with us down by 50%, which in turn also affects the amount of child support Jonathan has to pay. Mina mentioned once or twice to her mother that she had experienced some minor difficulties getting to sleep during the last sleepover, but the last sleepover was the hottest Saturday in Sydney in 85 years, and not only did Mina have trouble sleeping, no one else in Sydney got any sleep at all. Based on this, Mina's mother was adamant that sleepover weekends should start on Saturday afternoon after German lessons.

Mina's mother kept calling us throughout the day, each phone call becoming more and more unreasonable, with her becoming more and more hysterical with her demands. She all but insisted that Mina was going into an emotional meltdown about coming to our house for a sleepover this weekend, and that we should "respect Mina's wishes to not sleepover". Instead of being the parent and the adult, Mina's mother was allowing Mina to dictate terms and conditions. This was not the first time we've heard this argument, and we're sure it won't be the last. Mina's mother went on to accuse Jonathan of calling the Child Support Agency to reduce the amount of child support and that he was basically not pulling his weight and leaving her and Mina destitute with no financial support. And to top it all off, Mina's mother moved from unreasonable to belligerent, accusing me of emotionally blackmailing Mina.

Sorry, idiot, you are the expert at emotionally blackmailing Mina, not me. You do it every day, even when she is with us, by repeatedly calling us and insisting on wanting to talk to Mina because you apparently miss her so much, even though we are going to be dropping her home an hour after your phone call. Twat.

With Sean being so unsettled, and with all the other niggles such as the blocked nose and the reflux, I was worried enough to suggest that Jonathan and I took Sean to see the doctor. Meanwhile, we couldn't get Mina's mother off the phone because she had whipped herself up into a frenzy, having speared herself on top of a pedestal and made herself a martyr. After she accused me of emotional blackmail, I stormed off and made the decision to cut that cancerous woman out of my life. I don't need to deal with her shit, and what's more, I will not stand for her accusing me of psychologically damaging her child when she has done just that to Mina, every day of Mina's life.

So why was I being accused of emotionally blackmailing Mina? I asked Mina to stop referring to the Evil Witch's partner as "daddy" while in our house, after Mina specifically told me "Mummy is making me call (Evil Witch's partner) daddy".

With or without Jonathan, I was going to take Sean up to see the doctor. Luckily, Jonathan had also had enough of the rubbish, so after hanging up, we drove Sean to the doctors. Dr Siva wasn't available, so we saw Dr Chapman, who is Dr Siva's boss. Dr Chapman checked Sean's breathing, and listened to his chest, took his temperature, and looked inside his ears. Dr Chapman did not think there was anything wrong with Sean, but told us that a saline spray could help Sean with his breathing. Jonathan and I both felt a little better to know there wasn't anything wrong with Sean, and after we got home, it was time to feed Sean again.

After the unwarranted trouble from Mina's mother in the morning, Jonathan spent the afternoon contacting the Child Support Agency, who told Jonathan that the same amount of money that he was paying every month was still being paid to Mina's mother every month, and that his account was actually in credit. There were no alterations to the payments - the same amount that was always paid to Mina was being paid every month.

Jonathan also spent some time liaising with the family law solicitor we had contacted late last year to ascertain where we were up to with formalising the child access arrangements. The solicitor said he had not heard back from Mina's mother, and we should make another appointment to see him and discuss the matter further. When Mina's mother called again to have another go, Jonathan asked her if she ever received the notification from our solicitor. She said she did, but because the written arrangements were both vague and lacked flexibility, she ignored the letter. Mina's mother did not want the arrangements to be put in writing, because she wanted to be able to call us without notice and change the access arrangements to suit her. She wanted to be able to hold all the cards and jerk us around as much as she felt like it.

Not bloody likely.

I still don't know how Jonathan can handle speaking with that ridiculous woman in such a calm manner. My blood boils every time she calls us, and I physically shake like a leaf when I know it's her on the phone. She is toxic. Totally crazy. Pure evil. It's too late for Mina - she will forever be tainted, but I don't want that brand of crazy and evil in my house, especially anywhere near my son.

I made the heartbreaking decision to stem my relationship with Mina.

I talked to Jonathan about this. I was especially gutted to be accused of emotionally blackmailing Mina, and quite frankly, if Mina's mother wants something to complain about, then I'm not going to give her any. From today, Mina will be a person who visited my house every weekend, who I will be polite and authoritative to, who I will cook for and clean up after, but that's it. I will not be investing any more of my time or energy into fostering a mother-daughter relationship with Mina, because anything I say to Mina has the potential of being twisted into poison by Mina's mother, and I'll be damned if that woman has yet another thing to accuse me of. Damned if I do, and damned if I don't, so I may as well not do anything.

Unfortunately, my decision means Mina will suffer as a consequence, but I need to protect me and my emotions, and not let that idiot affect me and therefore affect my relationship with my son, who is my first priority.

Jonathan understood why I feel the need to stop investing emotionally in my relationship with Mina. He wasn't all together happy about it, but he had an understanding of how much my close and loving relationship with Mina was hurting me because of what her mother had twisted and taken out of context and hurled baseless accusations at me.

I took solace in my darling little man, who must have known I was upset. Sean was gorgeous and smiled at me quite a few times during the 8pm feed, and he was kind enough to sleep through the Valentine's Day dinner I'd planned for Jonathan, although after the turn of events of today, the gloss was taken off my special roast beef dinner.

After the horrendous day, I'm now completely exhausted and needing a good night's sleep. I hope the little man has a good night tonight too. I always have nightmares after the witch attacks us, so it would be interesting to see what kind of dreams I'll have tonight.