Day +58: Unexpected & Devastating News

Dear 2012,

We need to talk.

We have had enough bad news to last us through to the end of the year. Matter of fact, we've had enough bad news to last us a lifetime. From now to the end of the year (at the very least), we want only good news. Deal?

Hugs and kisses,
Gloria

My heart is broken. As I type this, tears are streaming down my face, and I am sobbing as quietly as I can after hearing some terrible news earlier today. I am in a state of shock, total disbelief and utter despair, and can only shake my head while trying to find some rationale for the latest piece of bad news.

Sean is fine. The news is not about Sean.

Our most darling friends Lissy and Dave lost their baby today. Lissy was 28 weeks pregnant.

Words cannot describe the sadness that has filled my whole body. I can't stop crying. I can't stop wondering why something so awful had to happen to two of this world's most wonderful people. I can't stop thinking how close we came to losing Sean, and how lucky we are to have him home with us, all strong and sturdy and getting better by the day.

I feel so sad for our darling friends. I feel so angry for our darling friends. I feel so thankful that Sean didn't die. I feel so guilty that I have a now healthy son to hold and play with.

I cannot begin to imagine the pain our friends are going through. I know how devastated I felt when we were first told about Sean's disease, so I imagine the grief we felt was a fraction of what Lissy and Dave were feeling today.

We were the first to know about Lissy and Dave's happy news, a mere 3 days after they found out over Christmas last year. It was Jonathan's birthday, so we had extra cause for celebration Lissy was thrilled with the prospect of becoming a mother, and while the thought was a little daunting for Dave, he too was excitedly looking forward to impending parenthood. Over the first weeks, Lissy battled morning sickness on top of a hectic work schedule, and then piled a bit more on her plate by becoming one of our support people during Sean's treatment. We were so grateful to have such a good friend in Lissy, who brought us food and comforting words and hugs.

Only 10 days ago, we were planning Lissy's baby shower. We were so excited and looking so much forward to meeting Baby B, and we'd even planned the outfits our babies (Michelle's Liam, my Sean and Lissy's little one) would wear to Penny's 30th themed birthday party.

We were the first to learn of the sad news.

When we received the phone call from Lissy this afternoon, I was in the foulest of moods, refusing to hold Sean or pick him up when he wanted to be picked up, all because he refused to call me "Mumma". Every time I asked him to call me "Mumma", he would either say "Daddy" or "Dadda", or shake his head. This had been going on for weeks, and today, I had had enough. I was upset and told Jonathan when he walked through the door tonight that until Sean called me "Mumma", I wasn't going to look after Sean.

I am such an awesome parent.

The tone of Lissy's voice hit me first. Tears immediately sprang to my eyes and my breath caught in my throat as I asked if everything was OK. "There's no need to organise the baby shower any more, Gee."

I was only on the phone for a few minutes, as Lissy told me what happened. She was at Westmead Hospital, where the doctors and nurses were looking after her. I told her I was on my way, and as soon as I hung up, I got dressed to head out. I was in our bedroom when I took the call, and Jonathan came to check on me and to see what the phone call was about. When I told him the sad news, we clung to each other and sobbed. Sean sensed something was wrong, and put his arms around our legs and gave them a hug.

The GPS on the car chose tonight of all nights to not work properly, and it took me just over an hour to get to the hospital. Lissy looked exhausted, and I gave her a big long hug. I had no words, but I had plenty of hugs.

Lissy's parents were there, and we greeted each other and chatted for a minute or two before Dave walked into the room. Dave had been out gathering provisions for the troops, and I gave him a hug too. Lissy was having contractions the whole time we were there, and our chattering was helping to distract her from the pains.

I wanted to rattle off a list of ways I wanted to help, but I didn't know if it would upset Lissy further by asking for jobs to do. There were people to call, but I wasn't sure if she wanted me to call people for her, as it wasn't my news to tell. Instead, I assured Lissy that I was there to help if she needed anything, and let her decide what jobs she'd like me to do.

The doctors came and saw Lissy and Dave, and talked to them about the options going forward. The option Lissy chose for tonight was to go home and wait and see how the pains were. If they got worse, then she and Dave should return to the hospital straight away. Lissy was going to have to deliver the baby within the next 72 hours, and she would need as much energy as she could muster, and Lissy wanted to go home and sleep in her own bed. So, just after 10.30pm, we all filed out of the hospital and went our separate ways. I told Lissy and Dave to call me if they needed anything, and drove home. It only took 20 minutes to get home.

Jonathan has offered to work from home tomorrow, so he can look after Sean in case Lissy needs me to go back to meet her at the hospital. We are at a complete loss for words. We are so numb right now, not really knowing what we should do or say.

To Lissy and Dave, we love you guys so much. We cannot understand how this tragedy could befall two of the most wonderful people in this world. We are here for you 100% - any time you need us, just call - we're only 30 minutes at most away. Stay strong.